57 books
—
276 voters
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(9)
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currently-reading (1)
read (1021)
did-not-finish (0)
re-read (387)
mysteries-thrillers (285)
series (250)
science-fiction-and-fantasy (206)
science-fiction-fantasy-mags (201)
not-reviewed (197)
noteworthy-cover (195)
books-i-entered (160)
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art (87)
f-and-sf-sf-mag (79)
read-in-past-only (69)
in-references-explained (66)
single-short-story (66)
one-author-short-story-collections (54)
criticism (53)
“Men traveling alone develop a romantic vertigo. Bech had already fallen in love with a freckled embassy wife in Russia, a buck-toothed chanteuse in Rumania, a stolid Mongolian sculptress in Kazakhstan. In the Tretyakov Gallery he had fallen in love with a recumbent statue, and at the Moscow Ballet School with an entire roomful of girls. Entering the room, he had been struck by the aroma, tenderly acrid, of young female sweat. Sixteen and seventeen, wearing patchy practice suits, the girls were twirling so strenuously their slippers were unraveling. Demure student faces crowned the unconscious insolence of their bodies. The room was doubled in depth by a floor-to-ceiling mirror. Bech was seated on a bench at its base. Staring above his head, each girl watched herself with frowning eyes frozen, for an instant in the turn, by the imperious delay and snap of her head. Bech tried to remember the lines of Rilke that expressed it, this snap and delay:
did not the drawing remain/that the dark stroke of your eyebrow/swiftly wrote on the wall of its own turning?
At one point the teacher, a shapeless old Ukrainian lady with gold canines, a prima of the thirties, had arisen and cried something translated to Bech as, “No, no, the arms free, free!”
And in demonstration she had executed a rapid series of pirouettes with such proud effortlessness that all the girls, standing this way and that like deer along the wall, had applauded. Bech had loved them for that. In all his loves, there was an urge to rescue—to rescue the girls from the slavery of their exertions, the statue from the cold grip of its own marble, the embassy wife from her boring and unctuous husband, the chanteuse from her nightly humiliation (she could not sing), the Mongolian from her stolid race. But the Bulgarian poetess presented herself to him as needing nothing, as being complete, poised, satisfied, achieved. He was aroused and curious and, the next day, inquired about her of the man with the vaguely contemptuous mouth of a hare—a novelist turned playwright and scenarist, who accompanied him to the Rila Monastery. “She lives to write,” the playwright said. “I do not think it is healthy.”
― Bech: A Book
did not the drawing remain/that the dark stroke of your eyebrow/swiftly wrote on the wall of its own turning?
At one point the teacher, a shapeless old Ukrainian lady with gold canines, a prima of the thirties, had arisen and cried something translated to Bech as, “No, no, the arms free, free!”
And in demonstration she had executed a rapid series of pirouettes with such proud effortlessness that all the girls, standing this way and that like deer along the wall, had applauded. Bech had loved them for that. In all his loves, there was an urge to rescue—to rescue the girls from the slavery of their exertions, the statue from the cold grip of its own marble, the embassy wife from her boring and unctuous husband, the chanteuse from her nightly humiliation (she could not sing), the Mongolian from her stolid race. But the Bulgarian poetess presented herself to him as needing nothing, as being complete, poised, satisfied, achieved. He was aroused and curious and, the next day, inquired about her of the man with the vaguely contemptuous mouth of a hare—a novelist turned playwright and scenarist, who accompanied him to the Rila Monastery. “She lives to write,” the playwright said. “I do not think it is healthy.”
― Bech: A Book
“For reasons I can only guess, my mother always instructed me that it was impolite to tell the truth...Whatever she lacked in versimilitude, she more than made up for in stealth.”
―
―
“The last thing he learned was that death is the end of pain.”
― The Marching Morons
― The Marching Morons
“Blockade (1938)
Marco: [last lines, after being told to find peace]
Marco: Peace? Where can you find it? Our country's been turned into a battlefield! There's no safety for old people and children. Women can't keep their families safe in their houses; they can't be safe in their own fields! Churches, schools, hospitals are targets! It's not war; war is between soldiers! It's murder! Murder of innocent people! There's no sense to it. The world can stop it! Where's the conscience of the world?”
―
Marco: [last lines, after being told to find peace]
Marco: Peace? Where can you find it? Our country's been turned into a battlefield! There's no safety for old people and children. Women can't keep their families safe in their houses; they can't be safe in their own fields! Churches, schools, hospitals are targets! It's not war; war is between soldiers! It's murder! Murder of innocent people! There's no sense to it. The world can stop it! Where's the conscience of the world?”
―
“I’ve been sitting here and thinking about God. I don’t think I believe in God any more. It is not only
me, I think of all the millions who must have lived like this in the war. The Anne Franks. And back
through history. What I feel I know now is that God doesn’t intervene. He lets us suffer. If you pray for
liberty then you may get relief just because you pray, or because things happen anyhow which bring
you liberty. But God can’t hear. There’s nothing human like hearing or seeing or pitying or helping
about him. I mean perhaps God has created the world and the fundamental laws of matter and
evolution. But he can’t care about the individuals. He’s planned it so some individuals are happy,
some sad, some lucky, some not. Who is sad, who is not, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. So he
doesn’t exist, really.
These last few days I’ve felt Godless. I’ve felt cleaner, less muddled, less blind. I still believe in a
God. But he’s so remote, so cold, so mathematical. I see that we have to live as if there is no God.
Prayer and worship and singing hymns—all silly and useless.
I’m trying to explain why I’m breaking with my principles (about never committing violence). It is
still my principle, but I see you have to break principles sometimes to survive. It’s no good trusting
vaguely in your luck, in Providence or God’s being kind to you. You have to act and fight for
yourself.
The sky is absolutely empty. Beautifully pure and empty.
As if the architects and builders would live in all the houses they built! Or could live in them all. It’s
obvious, it stares you in the face. There must be a God and he can’t know anything about us.”
― The Collector
me, I think of all the millions who must have lived like this in the war. The Anne Franks. And back
through history. What I feel I know now is that God doesn’t intervene. He lets us suffer. If you pray for
liberty then you may get relief just because you pray, or because things happen anyhow which bring
you liberty. But God can’t hear. There’s nothing human like hearing or seeing or pitying or helping
about him. I mean perhaps God has created the world and the fundamental laws of matter and
evolution. But he can’t care about the individuals. He’s planned it so some individuals are happy,
some sad, some lucky, some not. Who is sad, who is not, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. So he
doesn’t exist, really.
These last few days I’ve felt Godless. I’ve felt cleaner, less muddled, less blind. I still believe in a
God. But he’s so remote, so cold, so mathematical. I see that we have to live as if there is no God.
Prayer and worship and singing hymns—all silly and useless.
I’m trying to explain why I’m breaking with my principles (about never committing violence). It is
still my principle, but I see you have to break principles sometimes to survive. It’s no good trusting
vaguely in your luck, in Providence or God’s being kind to you. You have to act and fight for
yourself.
The sky is absolutely empty. Beautifully pure and empty.
As if the architects and builders would live in all the houses they built! Or could live in them all. It’s
obvious, it stares you in the face. There must be a God and he can’t know anything about us.”
― The Collector
Steve’s 2025 Year in Books
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