Kristen Johnson

“Winkie? Flesh flute? Tallywhacker? Baby maker? Quiver bone? Joystick? Fun stick? Lap rocket? Love muscle? Wedding tackle? One-eyed wonder weasel? Helmet head? Wang? Trouser snake? Giggle stick? Schlong? Mushroom head? Love rod? Pecker? Thundersw—”
“Enough!” Lucian barked, and when Bricker paused and glanced to him questioningly, he said, “I do not know what alarms me more, that you have so many names for cock or what it means in regard to how much time you spend thinking about cock.”
― Lynsay Sands, The Immortal Who Loved Me

“Fuck me. I’m a rock star. And all I really wanted was a burrito.”
― Richard Kadrey, Sandman Slim

“Relax,” Lucian said dryly. “Bricker will not leave without me. The SUV is—”
“What?” Basil asked when his brother paused with his arm half raised, shock crossing his features.
“The little shit just drove away without me,” Lucian said with amazement.”
― Lynsay Sands, The Immortal Who Loved Me

“Kasabian’s head is still under the bed. I pull it out and set it on his chest, then grab his body by the ankles and drag him into the Cube. I straighten the arms and legs, set Kas’s head back on its shoulders, and generally try to make him look more like a respectable human being and less like a big pile of loser jerky.”
― Richard Kadrey, Sandman Slim