Kristen Johnson

“Those cultists are honestly freaking me out a little bit. Just the fact that they’re building freaking statues of me is already bad enough, but having some weird rule making all of the cultists wear headphones that look similar to mine all the time to mimic me?”
― Shane Purdy, The Awakening

“Winkie? Flesh flute? Tallywhacker? Baby maker? Quiver bone? Joystick? Fun stick? Lap rocket? Love muscle? Wedding tackle? One-eyed wonder weasel? Helmet head? Wang? Trouser snake? Giggle stick? Schlong? Mushroom head? Love rod? Pecker? Thundersw—”
“Enough!” Lucian barked, and when Bricker paused and glanced to him questioningly, he said, “I do not know what alarms me more, that you have so many names for cock or what it means in regard to how much time you spend thinking about cock.”
― Lynsay Sands, The Immortal Who Loved Me

“But she’s not going to call the cops or stab me in my sleep, and what more can you ask of a pretty girl?”
― Richard Kadrey, Sandman Slim

“What the hell is going on?” Bricker asked with amazement as they watched Victor carry Elvi out. “First Basil’s carrying Sherry away, and then Marcus is carting a blubbering Basha off, and now Elvi’s sobbing to beat the band and Victor is playing he-man too. Have the women gone crazy or is this an immortal caveman convention?”
Lucian reached out and biffed the younger man in the back of the head.
“Ow,” Bricker complained, rubbing the spot.”
― Lynsay Sands, The Immortal Who Loved Me