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Alice Walsh

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Joined: a memoir of marriage

by Barbara Carter (Goodreads Author)

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Alice Walsh said: " Fifth Memoir in a Series

Fans of Barbara Carter’s previous four memoirs will want to read Joined the fifth in the series. Those who have read the previous memoirs will also understand why Barbara’s life is such a mess. In her first memoir, Floating in Fifth Memoir in a Series

Fans of Barbara Carter’s previous four memoirs will want to read Joined the fifth in the series. Those who have read the previous memoirs will also understand why Barbara’s life is such a mess. In her first memoir, Floating in Salt Water, we meet Barbara as a child. Her family takes in boarders and foster children ranging from infants to senior citizens. Barbara vies for attention from a mother who hovers between being neglectful and over-protective.
By the time Barbara reaches her teens, it is little wonder she has a nervous breakdown as revealed in her second memoir Balancing Act. Her mother continues to keep a firm grip on her daughter’s life, even going so far as to destroy a relationship she has with an American boy who is visiting the area.

By the time Barbara turns sixteen, she is on Loose Gravel as her third memoir is apply named. She drops out of school, spends her nights in a haze of drugs and alcohol and even dabbles in criminal behavior. A gifted artist, she has inspirations of going to an art school but doesn’t know how to make this dream a reality.

Ain’t Easy is Carter’s fourth memoir in the series. Barbara continues her pattern of addiction and self destruction. Her drug of choice, however, is relationships. She goes from one man to another trying to find the love that is missing from her life.
In her latest memoir, Carter writes about meeting Mike, a fisherman, and the man who will later become her husband. They meet on a blind date set up by Barbara’s friend. After five days together, Barbara decides he’s the one for her. Mike goes to sea, and because of her low self-esteem, Barbara wonders if he will come back to her. Her only guarantee is that he leaves behind a stash of drugs.

While she waits for Mike to return, Barbara discovers she is pregnant by another man. Her friends suggest either an abortion or letting Mike believe the baby is his. “The timing is so close he won’t know the difference,” one friend tells her. However, abortion is out of the question, and Barbara has no intention of lying to Mike. She tells him about the pregnancy and to her surprise, Mike offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. They have known each other for a total of seventeen days.

They marry when Barbara is nearly seven months pregnant. However, the marriage is not one of bliss (at least, in the early days). Although Mike is a good, decent man who loves Barbara and loves her child as his own, he is addicted to drugs and alcohol. Like any alcoholic, he often puts his addiction before his family. When he comes home after weeks at sea he prefers to spend his time with his drinking buddies than with his family. To add to her misery, Barbara’s nagging mother lives across the road from her, trying to control her life as she had done since Barbara was a teenager.

Barbara soon finds herself with two children under the age of two. Because she is alone and lonely, she engages in some of the same destructive behaviours and bad choices she did as a teen. One of those choices leads to serious consequences that nearly destroy her marriage.
An added bonus in the book, are photographs at the end of each chapter. One of the more poignant pictures is taken just after Barbara’s wedding. She is seven months pregnant, standing with her new husband in the snow outside a church.

Joined deals with addictions, infidelity, parenthood, and relationships. What makes the story so effective is that it is told with unflinching honesty. Those who enjoyed Carter’s earlier book will find her latest memoir just as compelling. ...more "

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— Feb 12, 2022 04:05PM

Feb 12, 2022 02:11PM · see review