| Sarah

“This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.”
― Andrew Hussie, Homestuck

“Just picked up a black pair of scissors thinking they were my glasses.
That definitely would't have enhanced my eyesight.”
― Phil Lester

“You know, people ask me. They say 'Dan, three years later do you really want to be drawing cat whiskers on your face?' but they don't understand. The cat whiskers, they come from within.”
― Dan Howell

“Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history. Here’s the text-message conversation: Me: Hey . . . should we break up? Canadian: Ya probably. Me: Ok. Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night? Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky. Canadian: I know! Crazy! Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess. Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets. Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky. Canadian: Agreed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson