Jane Sprang

“Buy a Ring doorbell if you live in a shitty neighbourhood. Your package will still get stolen but you can post the video on the Ring app and an old lady named Janet will leave a comment about people having no respect for other people’s property since they stopped teaching the Bible in schools.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.”
― Dean Jackson

“Even if you build a deck around an above ground pool, everyone knows what it is. Nobody says, “Oh really? It’s an above ground pool? You’d never be able to tell.”  They say, “Oh, the invite didn’t mention it’s an above ground pool. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known.” Maybe not to your face but that’s what they’re saying.”
― David Thorne, Sixteen Different Flavours of Hell

“Anyone can claim the title Creative Director. It’s not a real title, like CEO of a Fortune 500 company, there’s no subject knowledge, talent, or experience required, you just start an agency and write creative director on your business card. It’s like buying a kayak and proclaiming yourself admiral of the fleet.”
― David Thorne, Yesterday's Words at Tomorrow's Prices