C.

“Wikipedia says I have Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is dumb, because I'm all kids of social--I love society, society is like the ocean to my shark--and I have plenty of personality, and it's only a disorder if it messes up your life, and my life is awesome.”
― Harrison Geillor, The Twilight of Lake Woebegotten

“The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!”
― Dave Barry

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin