C.

“First, Edwin was a vampire.

Second, he loved me--or at least thought my blood smelled delicious, which, for a vampire, was probably the next best thing.

And third, I would get him to turn me into a vampire too, no matter how much scheming, manipulation, or treachery it required.”
― Harrison Geillor, The Twilight of Lake Woebegotten

“If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“It [feminism] is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands.”
― G.K. Chesterton

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!”
― Dave Barry