Shannon

“I don’t know why we fight.
It takes much too effort to stay mad at you.
To dodge your skin in the hallway
and leave the kitchen without bringing you a treat.
It takes much too effort to stare at the sink
so my eyes don’t smile at you in the mirror.
It takes much too effort to look away as we undress
and lie apart in the now bigger bed.
It takes much too effort to stiffen my body
because sleepy limbs forget fights
and pride is always lost in dreams.
It takes much too effort to awaken every hour to make sure we are islands with a gulf of white sheets separating us.
I dread the light peeking through the parted curtains
and empathise with your groans —
I didn’t get any sleep either.
I really don’t know why we fight.
It takes much too effort to stay mad at one another
when it’s so easy for us to love.”
― Kamand Kojouri

“What doesn't kill you very often makes you weaker. What doesn't kill you can leave you limping for the rest of your days. What doesn't kill you can make you scared to leave your house, or even your bedroom, and have you trembling, or mumbling incoherently, or leaning with your head on a window pane, wishing you could return to the time before the thing that didn't kill you.”
― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

“Recovering from family scapegoating requires recognizing that being the ‘identified patient’ is symptomatic of generations of systemic dysfunction within one’s family, fueled by unrecognized anxiety and even trauma. In a certain sense, members of a dysfunctional family are participating in a ‘consensual trance‘, i.e., a ‘survival trance’ supported by false narratives, toxic shame, anxiety, and egoic defense mechanisms, such as denial and projection.”
― Rebecca C. Mandeville, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Understanding Family Scapegoating Abuse

“You think that you've moved on.
That you’re happier
and now that you think about it —
you're quite glad
that it didn’t work out
because you are free
and happy.
You're so happy.
And it’s better this way.
"Here,
let me tell you my reasons,"
you say. "Let me explain
what I mean."
After hours of telling
your neighbour and
the florist
and the girl on the bus,
you conclude:
"So, you see? I’m happier now.”
You tell the brokenhearted
your tale
and assure them
it's for the best,
“So you see? It was meant to be.”
But my dear,
my foolish
hurting dear,
your ego is the bullet
left in the wound.
It’s this ego
that needs to explain itself
and justify the battle.
A true warrior
would be too busy
fighting to live.”
― Kamand Kojouri