Karoline Aldrich

“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”
― David Sedaris, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls: Essays, Etc.

“I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.”
― David Sedaris, Naked

“My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say -dickety- because the Kaiser had stolen our word -twenty-. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem! Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...”
― Grandpa Simpson

“It was the stupidest thing the cat had ever heard of, an AA program in prison.”
― David Sedaris, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary