Michael

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Demetri Martin
“Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book
tags: humor

Demetri Martin
“I was an "Omnivore." Like a lot of people, I didn't know any better. Then I read a couple of books. One of them was called How Chickens Are Raped Before You Eat Them. Another was called Hotdogs and Fingertips. I also read The Cow Feces Dilemma as well as Barf, STDs and Veal.”
Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin
“REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book

Demetri Martin
“Words have power,
you dumb piece of shit.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book

Demetri Martin
“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.”
Demetri Martin

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Ryan
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