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Demetri Martin
“Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book

Demetri Martin
“100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book
tags: humor

Demetri Martin
“REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book

Demetri Martin
“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.”
Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin
“Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book
tags: humor

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Ryan
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