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Demetri Martin
“The lord works in mysterious ways.
Indeed.
And a shorter way to say that is:
God is a sneak”
Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin
“100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book
tags: humor

Demetri Martin
“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.”
Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin
“Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book
tags: humor

Demetri Martin
“Words have power,
you dumb piece of shit.”
Demetri Martin, This is a Book

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Ryan
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