Sam

“Hey, Barry, climb off, motherfucker, I’m up next, then it’s Jeff’s turn. I put it on the board. Blue, don’t let him do that to your ear, baby, you won’t hear for a month.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“And in retrospect, the flannel shirt may have been a mistake. He looked like he’d shown up at the sacrificial mass of the damned ready to fix the dishwasher.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Finding her boyfriend tied naked to an upright bed frame, covered in blood, with a dead, blue dominatrix at his feet would be enough to rattle some women’s confidence in the stability of their relationship. Some women might even take it as a sign of trouble. But Jody had been single for a number of years - she’d dated rock musicians and stockbrokers - and was conditioned to unusual bumps on the road of romance, so she simply sighed and kicked the hooker in the ribs - more as a conversation opener than a confirmation that the ho was dead - and said, ‘So, rough night?”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck