Sam

“And in retrospect, the flannel shirt may have been a mistake. He looked like he’d shown up at the sacrificial mass of the damned ready to fix the dishwasher.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Chet looked like a big-eyed, potbellied, protohuman in fur-lined, duct-tape space boots - the feline love child of Gollum and Dobby the house-elf.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Finding her boyfriend tied naked to an upright bed frame, covered in blood, with a dead, blue dominatrix at his feet would be enough to rattle some women’s confidence in the stability of their relationship. Some women might even take it as a sign of trouble. But Jody had been single for a number of years - she’d dated rock musicians and stockbrokers - and was conditioned to unusual bumps on the road of romance, so she simply sighed and kicked the hooker in the ribs - more as a conversation opener than a confirmation that the ho was dead - and said, ‘So, rough night?”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“The loft looked as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy-bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck