Paul McCain

“A parent-figure who is feeling overwhelmed by and uncomfortable with their own emotions, when seeing their child distressed, might say “You’re too sensitive.” The child, whose main objective is to receive love, will suppress or hide their perceived sensitivities in an attempt to continue to do so. If this pattern continues, the child might “toughen up” or detach, ignoring their authentic Self and presenting a false self, which emerges from a core belief that parts of their identity are unacceptable. I see this a lot with my male clients and friends. For some who grew up with the model of toxic hypermasculinity, where men are discouraged or shamed for expressing emotion, even acknowledging that they have an emotional world may be challenging. In cases like these, we’re fighting not just the conditioning of our parent-figures and family unit but society at large.”
― Nicole LePera, How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self — A Guide to Self-Healing

“With grateful eyes, I saw my parents’ humanness. Like so many of us, their real enemy was survivalism, the true enemy of heightened consciousness. They grew up poor and strained, then married each other and the strain intensified. Although I needed to focus on their hurtful actions to learn my own essential lessons, the truth is that they also did many good things, and every single act of love they performed was extraordinary given the circumstances of their lives. It is one thing for a well-nourished person to be loving, but for those who have lived such difficult lives to focus away from themselves and give love to another is a remarkable feat that resounds throughout time.”
― Jeff Brown, Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation

“If two people cannot meet on relatively equal footing, there are two options: the relationship can end, or it can be organized around the developmental stage of the least conscious member.”
― Jeff Brown, Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation

“For the artist who endured childhood shaming—over any form of neediness, any type of exploration, any expectation—shame may kick in even without the aid of a shame-provoking review. If a child has ever been made to feel foolish for believing himself or herself talented, the act of actually finishing a piece of art will be fraught with internal shaming. Many artists begin a piece of work, get well along in it, and then find, as they near completion, that the work seems mysteriously drained of merit. It’s no longer worth the trouble. To therapists, this surge of sudden disinterest (“It doesn’t matter”) is a routine coping device employed to deny pain and ward off vulnerability.”
― Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity