Kelly

“He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked.

"You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Amber, you could never embarrass me."

"Never?" she asked.

"Never."

"One time, I yelled across the store to Mom and asked her if she wanted the regular or the super-absorbent tampons. I added that, according to the box, the super-absorbent were for those heavy days. Then I asked her to rate her heaviness on a scale of one to ten."

"Okay, you could."

"Then while we were standing in line, I asked her why she was buying three boxes of Summer's Eve in the middle of winter."

I set her at arm's length. "Wow."

"I know, right? I had no idea a person could turn so red.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“Well, that sucked more ass than liposuction.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet