Daisebeeyourself

“After all, if you’re not scared, then there’s nothing to be brave about, is there?”
― Louis Sachar, Fuzzy Mud

“I’m Princess Daisy.”
― Melanie Cellier, A Dance of Silver and Shadow

“Hey!” I shouted at my dad, who was eating his daily bowl of Grape-Nuts. He looked up at me, making a face that said, “Be careful in choosing your next words.” “You told Mom about my,” and then I silently mouthed the word porn. “You said you wouldn’t!” I added at full volume. He put down his paper, looked at me, and replied in a measured voice, “Yeah, I thought about that. Too risky for me not to tell her. You shouldn’t have left that porno in our VCR. Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won’t be the last time that happens.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Yo mama is so ugly… she’s the reason blind dates were invented!”
― Johnny B. Laughing, Yo Mama Jokes Bible: 350+ Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes