kaufmasks

“A vicarious reader, her bookshelves were crowded with romantic poetry by Keats, Shelly and Byron; classic works from Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters and the great Bard himself, William Shakespeare.  In literature Angeline lost herself in the lives of others, and dreamt of adventures far beyond the Victorian farmhouse where we were raised-- a home as forlorn as the girl who lived beneath its weathered”
― E.A. Gottschalk, Seven Crows: The Evangeline Memoirs

“Time is Money’ is an inaccurate statement, unless you are using it in the early twenty-first century connotation of the word, meaning ‘outstanding’, or ‘excellent.’ In that case, I’d be pretty ‘money.’” -Excerpt from the journal of Dr. Harold Quickly, 2009   Carson,”
― Nathan Van Coops, In Times Like These

“A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes - sexual and adult's jokes

“Sit Up, Shut up and Put Up”.”
― Stephen J. Sweeney, The Honour of the Knights