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The Christmas Elf
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James Warwood
“Be quiet Muggles! I’ve found the Elder Wand and fixed it with Sellotape from the kitchen draw. I am now the most powerful wizard in the world... ...what’s the spell to make it rain Chocolate Frogs?”
― James Warwood, 49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom

“You’re so fat… you broke a branch in your family tree!”
― Various, 100+ Insults: Funny Insults, Comedy, and Humor!

“I see nobody on the road,” said Alice. “I only wish I had such eyes,” the King remarked in a fretful tone. “To be able to see Nobody!”
― Dan Cryan, Introducing Logic: A Graphic Guide

“How can you tell a dog from a tomato? A: Really? You should know.”
― Uncle Amon, Dog Jokes: Funny Jokes for Kids!

Charlotte Brontë
“Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

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