I read 24 7

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The Christmas Elf
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“What would be the point of my going outside this factory for the first time to initiate my evil plan to take over the country using an army of human drones wearing mind control helmets if I didn’t take the master uplink system for the mind control helmets with me?”
Greg James, Kid Normal: The first book in the super heroic, super silly series from Greg James and Chris Smith

“All that was left was a Belgian cybernetic assassin, stuck in a woman’s bedroom with an unconscious Frenchman, hemmed in by the African Estrogen Guard, under fire and waiting for a man in a cat suit to come kill him. If it hadn’t been so dire, it would be absurd.”
Jesse J. Holland, Black Panther: Who is the Black Panther?

“You’re so old… your birth certificate says ‘expired’!”
Various, 100+ Insults: Funny Insults, Comedy, and Humor!

“How can you tell a dog from a tomato? A: Really? You should know.”
Uncle Amon, Dog Jokes: Funny Jokes for Kids!

W. Bruce Cameron
“Both boys ate some of the dog snacks, which I found both odd and disturbing.”
W. Bruce Cameron, A Dog's Way Home

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