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No Man Is an Island
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Graham Chapman
“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.”
Monty Python

Douglas Adams
“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Confucius
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
Confucious

Joseph Conrad
“His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain -- why he did not instantly disappear.”
Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

George Carlin
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
George Carlin

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