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George Carlin
“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”
George Carlin

Andrew Shaffer
Stop it, girl. There’s no way he’s five-years-old. Or one hundred. He’s probably like every other CEO on the planet: Late twenties, handsome in that geeky sort of way, and just as awkward as you. I breathe a sigh of relief, because I know I’m probably right.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
tags: humor

Andrew Shaffer
“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

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