Status Updates From Death, the Gardener

10 bucks says they use the spilling water against Eternity.

[ “You may be ready, my darling, but I am not!” Mot exclaimed, taking a hurried step back and nearly tripping over his own feet. “I cannot see myself ever being worthy of your forgiveness.”]

I *literally* rolled my eyes at this. The dialogue in the book reminds me how teenagers converse and bicker, and are endlessly inconsistent. Simply juvenile.

[I can’t deny that things have changed over these past several months.]

… one month. It had been one month.

[There was a reason she pushed back her hair with three fingers instead of using her whole hand: Briar used to do anything to stand out from the other girls in town.]

What?! I need the author to demonstrate what he means here, because who requires an entire hand to push back their hair? Does he mean to pull it back? Because pushing back (like behind the ear) is a two-fingered job for me. This is baffling.

How did I have a stronger reaction to <spoiler>Chitra dying</spoiler> than Mot?! His reaction is insulting.

One trope I hate is when the hero crumples into guilt after doing the hero thing. Like somehow taking a life is never justified, even if the person killed had murdered countless folks, and enslave and torture hundreds others?

Liked let me be very clear: I would kill that villain and take myself out for a nice dinner afterward. What is this guilt?!?!

[“I think it’s best that I clarify. You see, when you shear a rose in the usual manner, you’re freeing the soul stored in its furled bloom. It dissipates or floats away, traveling into firmaments beyond corporeal sight.”]

… yeah… <spoiler>Cloth</spoiler> already explained that to <spoiler>Grendal</spoiler>.

[“But you did. Stop overthinking this. In the heat of the moment, it was your only choice. You had to stop her. Otherwise, it’s anyone’s guess what might’ve happened. To you. To your legacy. To all life in this universe.”]

🙄🙄🙄

“Stop overthinking this”?? STFU

“In the heat of the moment, it was your only choice” umm, it was the goal the entire time?!

Seriously, this writing. 💀

[His cloak did not get snagged.]

HE DOESN’T HAVE A CLOAK. He’s wearing a sweater coat. You might be tempted to argue with me that a “long sweater coat” is essentially a cloak, but for a myriad of reasons here at this point in this story?! NOT. a. cloak.

[Without wasting any more time on showmanship, the witch let her fist lick Mole’s vest. It smoldered through the red velvet like tissue paper. … Grendal halted her botched surgery. Repulsed, she wiped her bloody fist on Mole’s coat. The red blended nicely with the velvet.]

… the coat velvet coat that just burned up like tissue paper?!

[Mot patted Santiago’s head fondly.

“Well,” Memory said after a heavy silence, “this is demeaning.”

“No, the word you’re searching for, fish, is endearing.”

“Downright awkward.”

“No, wholesome.” Mot finished his patting.]

This is the single best interaction between characters so far in this book. So funny and sweet.

[Memory was all sniffles. “Well, your garden grows with you, hun. I’ll always be on Team Mot.”]

😭

This diatribe from Mot feels disingenuous and lazy. Of course we think about those things. Is Dodaro serious?! He could google these questions, or crowd source on socials.

This was a layman-philosopher’s attempt as social discourse.

[The intruder was short, for one thing, with a chest as flat as a little boy’s.]

Dodaro, stop it! Stop describing the breasts of women, ESPECIALLY when they’re the only female character. Do so much better than this.

[When he skimmed the area, noting where the portal had once been, he spotted Brier sticking up out of the earth like a giant toothpick.]

“Brier”? Briar?
Also, I’m VERY confused by this. So she DIDN’T Slice away??

[“So you’re saying I look bad?”
“No, I’m choosing to say nothing at all.”
Cloth huffed a curse … then— “Fine. If you really insist, I’ll tell you. By the looks of it, you’re about five or six years older. This new age suits you. You grew into yourself well.”
“Are you sure there are no downsides?”
“Only the size of your chest. Alas, it did not grow with the rest of—”]

EW. Stop.

<spoiler>[I don’t get it! Why did he erase my memories? It’s clear now that I am Life. So why have me kill three Deathless? If he knew that I can’t kill them without breaking another oath, what were his intentions? Maybe he had none. Maybe he stopped trying to save me and became obsessed with getting vengeance on Grendal instead…]</spoiler>

Again, this line of reasoning makes /no/ sense.

[She sniffed, stopped, then sniffed again. Smart, Cloth reflected, proud of her past ingenuity. Grendal’s musky perfume doesn’t blend well with the floral scents of the garden.]

… how was the natural smell of a garden and Grendal’s choice in perfumes make for her “past ingenuity”?! This book is wild about drawing odd conclusions.

[“I think you’re mistaken, you flat-chested simpleton. I’m the best there is. The proof is in the pudding.”]

Wow. Flat-chested?! Really, Dodaro?! ಠ_ಠ

Wait, what was the ~person who visited Grendel about the first Deathless’ death? Why am I thinking he was a horse?

If not, is that person Eternity?

[“Ending a life requires as much time as it does work, Oz. Not all of us can water a couple of flowers in our garden and wait for them to grow into literal people. …”]

I’ve said it several times before, and I’ll continue to harp on this, but the human- and earth-centrism is maddening. We have a 14 billion year old story spanning the entire universe, and humans, “people”, and Earth is THAT important?!

[Cloth wept. She fell onto her knees and curled in on herself, curled in on her raw anguish, as if her body was a bandage for her soul.]

[ “Chitra!” Santiago howled in frustration. “C—H— I—T—R—A! You know, the Grim Reaper’s cloak? The most powerful clothing accessory this universe has ever known, excluding the fanny pack?”]

Okay, this made me laugh out loud. Fanny packs 4ever. 🤘

(2/2) San merely told Cloth what Oz’s totem was, and she said that’s impossible. I realize what she meant is that it’s possible she saw him in totem form, but he saying it just after him telling her makes no sense. Authorize jumped ahead with Cloth’s astonishment.

[ “Don’t tell Mot I said this”—Santiago’s words came out in rasps—“because he’d never let me live it down, but Oz’s Totem was the most elegant out of all four of ours! His Totem was a lark, one more radiant and vivid than the moon.”

Cloth covered her mouth to hide a gasp. “How is that possible? Isn’t he dead?”]

A non-sequitur response. Why wouldn’t that be possible? (1/2)

[“… All of us Fervors do, naturally. A humanoid aspect, which for me isn’t precisely human. A beastly aspect, which we refer to as our Totem—mine is that beautiful and majestic koi you just had the pleasure of witnessing moments ago. And an abstract aspect…”]

No. Absolutely not. I’m good with the abstract and beastly aspects. I am wholeheartedly opposed to the “humanoid” aspect.