Status Updates From A Collegiate Casting-Out of...

'If they were clever already, they wouldn’t need to go to university! No, we’ll stick to an intake of one hundred per cent young fools, thank you. Bring ’em in stupid, send them away clever, that’s the UU way!’
‘Some of them arrive thinking they’re clever, of course.’
‘Yes, but we soon disabuse them of that. What is a university for if it isn’t to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?’

‘Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.’
‘Do? We are the premier college of magic!’
‘But do we teach?’
‘Only if no alternative presents itself,’ said the Dean. ‘We show ’em where the library is, give ’em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.’
Metaphorically, sir?’ said Ponder.
‘Yes. But technically, of course, it’s locked.’

What is a university for if it isn’t to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?

If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.... But technically, of course, it’s locked. Good grief, you don’t want ‘em just turning up.