Status Updates From Going to Pieces without Fal...

Not usually into self help but I think this one is slowly doing its job

"We are poor indeed if we are only sane." D. W. Winnicott

For Winnicott, the role of psychotherapy, play, or creativity [or for Buddhism, meditation] in unintegration.

Unable to see me as a real, and therefore limited, person, they were expecting me to be "all good," and at the same time they were completely furious with me.
"Tell them you don't think they are aware of how much they want to destroy you," he would say." Show them this pattern in their lives, how they ruin that which they most need."

Often masking a virulent rage or self-hatred, emptiness, for Kernberg, was a sign of a lack of cohesiveness in the self, of an inability to tolerate conflicting feelings for the same person.

At some point, [the child] will have the realization that the gratifying and frustrating mother are one and the same person and will thus have the ability to relate to "real" people, not just to what he called "part-objects." Feelings of emptiness, thought Kernberg, occurred when this ability to relate to" whole objects" was lacking.