Status Updates From First Born (Lily Moore #1)

"Thirty minutes later, she wiped her mouth with a napkin and belched ceremoniously, setting off Seth’s car alarm in the driveway. The low rumble didn’t alert the humans in the next building, but the dogs barked no doubt hearing it and feeling the vibration."



THIS BOOK AND GAS. THIS BOOK AND FUCKING GAS. I CANNOT EVEN.

"The next conscious moment, Lily recognized Seth’s scent. Wrapped in his shirt, she felt safe and secure as they sped down the road in his truck that smelled like Abercrombie & Fitch Woods cologne mixed with sweat."

LEGIT THE WORST THING I'VE READ SO FAR AND THIS BOOK IS FULL OF DOG FART REFERENCES.

"“Lily’s hurt,” he said, clutching his stomach. The empanadas from dinner were starting to revolt."

I was almost disappointed when this didn't lead to more fart or burp stifling. MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

“Go to hell, you crazy bitch.” Seth squeezed his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “I’m already there."



I never thought I'd miss this book focusing on the heroine as a farting dog. But now the misogyny skips on in and I find myself desperate for some dog gas to break up the KOKO U SUCH A BITCH shit.

"“I don’t think she’s altogether stable. I mean she’s wicked smart, but really intense. Pete mentioned he thought she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

"Lily wrote down her dog alias and new cell phone number for him. "

HER FUCKING DOG ALIAS.

"Lily packed the pink JanSport backpack with provisions and strapped it to her back. Her suspicion was that Seth’s subconscious chose pink to assure him that his sister was indeed still a girl."

Ch.58
Loc 4705
7/2/13
12:23 am

Chapters 1-20
Ch. 1
The Edge
Loc 88 of 4705
Chapters 21- 40
Ch.21
The Storm
Loc 2069 of 4705
Chapters 41 -58
Ch.41
Slimy Bohunk
Loc 3731 of 4705
7/1/13
6:02 am

"Seth looked at her. “Don’t. Burp."



OH MY FUCKING GOD. I TRY TO OPEN THIS BOOK AND MAKE SOME PROGRESS, MORE GAS REFERENCES. EVERY SECOND GODDAMN PAGE HAS SOMEONE EITHER FARTING/BURPING OR REFERENCING FARTING/BURPING. I DID NOT FUCKING SIGN ON FOR THIS SHIT.

And I still have no idea why she keeps running from the police.

Yes, I think the most appropriate thing for a cop to say while holding a gun on a bloody, scared, naked, and until recently, missing, woman wandering away from a crime scene is "You've been on my mind."

So thus far we have an Asian woman with green eyes, and Asian man with blue eyes, and now another Asian woman with "citrine" eyes. JFC.

Oh my god. Not only does she fart, but her burp rattles windows. Is her gas going to be a freaking plot point?

So many status updates cuz I don't want to go back to reading :/

And the book is so scattered - paragraphs that keep switching subject, leaps of logic for no reason, a new pov almost every chapter. I just want to yell at the book components to shut up, get back in the goddamn line, and tell a story.

But there is so much info we're getting scattered about with little cohesiveness. Lots of info, about zero forward momentum in the plot.

Honestly, thanks to all the different POVs we've been subjected to, I have no idea what Lily does and doesn't know, as opposed to the reader. I suspect there are probably plot holes I'm missing because of this.

Aside from proximity, we've really been given no reason to believe that Lily's neigbor's death is related to her bf's at all. And IDEK what Lily's experience is. Was it an attack? Self defense? I have no flipping idea.

Hahahahaha omg for some reason turning in to a dog has made her eyelashes thicker.