Status Updates from All Editions of The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm (The King Henry Tapes Book 3)

Siegfried is 40% done

— Jul 12, 2025 05:59PM Add a comment

The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm (The King Henry Tapes Book 3)

Carly is 86% done

I hate guns.
Every asshole thinks he's a god the moment he's got a gun in his hand.
Trouble is…every asshole is a god the moment he's got a gun in his hand.
I know mankind well enough that playing god is never one of our better urges.

— Oct 22, 2018 09:20PM Add a comment

Carly is 73% done

Val and I had a simultaneous heart attack. We shut up as hard as we've ever shut up in our lives.
"Do not talk so much if you mean to be hidden," soon followed.
Silence.
"We have far to travel," the black guy tried again.
More silence.
"I have food," the black guy tried thrice.
We shared a look.
"You call it bacon I have been taught."
My stomach growled. I looked down at it. "So unfair…"

mmm…bacon…

— Oct 22, 2018 05:45PM Add a comment

Carly is 66% done

Suppose I should have just loomed over her, staring down at her sleeping face like her morning breath and the bit of drool at the corner of her lips contained the secrets of the universe…cuz that's fucking romance, right? Not creepy at all. Ain't a stalker, officer, ya gotta believe me! I just broke into her bedroom so I could watch her sleep!

hmm…sounds vaguely familiar somehow… lol

— Oct 22, 2018 04:12PM Add a comment

Carly is 44% done

"Also…I'm apparently okay with a thumb tip up my asshole."
"What?!?"
"Yeah…I was shocked too. Well, first I was shocked because I wasn't expecting it-"
"Why would you tell me this?" a completely exasperated Valentine asked.
"I don't know…I felt like I had to share after all that…"
"So you went with thumb tip?"
A shrug. "I needed something as momentous as killing a couple guys."
And she lost it.

— Oct 21, 2018 06:31PM Add a comment

Carly is 42% done

"Did he just say hams? I had to throw away my pirozhok to pick you up."
"Ain't ham just collectively ham though? Does it have a hams version?"
"Yeah, see your point, about the food. It's always ham no matter how much. But I think people call a pig a ham so pigs could be hams, right?"
I scratched at the edge of the cut. "Another question: why is all Mexican food plural?"
Pocket thought about it. "Not salsa."
"Huh."

— Oct 21, 2018 05:26PM Add a comment

Carly is 32% done

I must have been dull from the repeated head shots. I just stared at her without giving any reaction. Part of me expected her to knee me in the balls. But then…part of me expects every woman to knee me in the balls. That part is usually my balls. Distrustful things, ain't they.
Only…instead, she grabbed the back of my head and locked a kiss on me that had a good chance of sucking my eyes out.

— Oct 21, 2018 02:31PM Add a comment

Carly is 20% done

He wasn't just in the lead due to him being such good bait. He was also the outdoors guy. Our scout. Our Power Ranger. But like the badass green one. Getting all up in that Pink Ranger pussy. If anyone would notice a trap before it smashed him, it was Pocket.

everyone always loves the Pink Ranger, but my favorite was Yellow…bitch was a saber tooth tiger…what's better than that? lol

— Oct 20, 2018 07:54PM Add a comment

Carly is 12% done

Family…always too close, too big of a jump to show them your real self, and if you try it-they'll flinch away, or pretend it didn't happen.

— Oct 20, 2018 01:18PM Add a comment

Carly is 6% done

Fucking disaster.
Like…if Hurricane Andrew had raw ass sex with Hurricane Katrina. And then their spawn from this meteorological coitus had itself a temper tantrum.

again…wtf… lol

— Oct 20, 2018 10:01AM Add a comment

Carly is 2% done

Sometimes to know a secret, you got to know the secret exists, got to be clued in, or you'd never expect some clandestine shit to be going down. So much clandestine going on with my little shop, surprised I don't have some Area 51 whack-jobs lined up outside the place looking for green alien blowjobs.
Five dolla', earthling, two tongues extra.

WTF, lol… now I remember why I liked this series so much…

— Oct 19, 2018 09:29PM Add a comment