Status Updates From The Sixteenth Grave: A love...

Yup. Whiplash. But viewing these two as ridiculous rather than realistic is making it a lot more fun.

Now Jake has secret Feelings for Ryan! Mmkay. Good to know.

So...Ryan is 26. Jake...was also 26 and now turned 27. Huh. They are the same age. Not sure why that feels like too much of a coincidence, but...it kinda does? Is there a reason?

Okay resetting my brain...I will expect the MOST ridiculous, ill-advised things from here out and stop being angry about them. Bring it!

Wait Ryan knows his late father is one of the officers who helped raid Sycamore House. He knows Jake lived in Sycamore House and was part of the raid. Why aren't they talking about this connection? Jake knew "Officer Adam" and Ryan just said his father was Adam, and they both know Adam (and Ryan's other dad, Scott) were at the raid. But they aren't seeming to connect this. I'm confused.

So Jake, who has a baby coming and also could die any time, has not bothered to properly manage the medications he needs to take to not die at any time.

Please, PLEASE arrest this man before he gets sole custody of a newborn. This is not charming.

Wait now today is Jake’s birthday???

This book is giving me so much whiplash I think my neck is broken.

“You’re such a weirdo… It’s no wonder you can’t get a date.”

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

And also, fuck you , Ryan. Go fuck someone else in the gross club bathroom since you date so much yourself. A hole. 🙄😡🤯

Scatter the ashes??? What the what???

Aaaand now we must be skin to skin together to warm up. Because of course we must. Thecthreat of hypothermia is real.

Nothing funny! They’re on a job! 😂🙄

TWENTY-SIX??? Ryan is only 26???

Well. That explains…a lot. 😳🙄😂

I'm confused. Why does Marty need to ID Toby when Jake already ID'd him? They know who he is for sure already.

Oh now Ryan is struggling to take proper important notes because he has a headache and is too hungover to concentrate. (oh but he can explains! he had Reasons! STFU)

He isn't just a jerk, he's unprofessional. I can forgive a lot, but not being unprofessional when it's this important.

Carouse when you'll endanger only yourself, buddy.

The former owners/minders of Jake's orphanage got only FOURTEEN YEARS for grooming/child abuse? That's IT? That's considered a "great result"??? WTF is wrong with people???

Ha ha Jake telling Ryan off for showing up compromised/hungover...THIS is good stuff.

Now Jake's all butthurt bc Ryan "went out on the hunt" the night before he is to monitor/handle the psychic event/help Jake through it.

Which...Yes. Jake, should be upset. Showing up to this crucial event tired and stinking of alcohol is incredibly shitty of Ryan. Finally something we agree on!

Oh so Jake has dog nose and can smell another man's pheromones on Ryan 12 hours later even though Ryan has showered. Which, okay, it's POSSIBLE. Then if Ryan does his clubbing-of-shame hook ups now and then, which clearly he does, why does Jake believe he never did anything for FIVE YEARS? Clearly Ryan's been hooking up at this club the entire time, sporadically.

Make it consistent.

"Seeing Jake the previous day had dragged up distressing memories, but it didn't excuse his behavior at the club, and Jake was bound to be able to tell."

WHAT!!! Okay the club thing was gross, but, now Jake will be able to TELL? you showered! you have clean clothes on! It's the next day! How will he be able to tell? Unless it is from the palpable aura of disgust you now carry about yourself?!

Oh man this Marty kid who is Jake's teacher's aide in college is fabulous! Yay, a second great character to root for! Chloe and Marty are winning this whackadoodle race.

Only reason I'm not DNFing after that utter disaster of a club encounter is that it's still Day One, and the psychic element is cool. I don't care about them getting together, at ALL, but, I am pressing my nose to the glass to see what the hell happens next. Can this fuckery be topped? Stay tuned.

Wait FREAKIN' WAIT. NOW Ryan is thinking hey, children weren't NOT in my plans, I just needed more NOTICE?

He just f'd some rando in a club. NOW he's thinking about children with Jake? And answering Jake's message by saying maybe now we can build something new? Dude! You still have rando's spunk on you!!! WTF!!!

This book has issues. It needs therapy now. And I also finally understand Ryan is neurodivergent.

Ew ew ew ew EEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! That was so gross. And now Ryan is like in a fog? And thinking about Jake and the vm he decided not to respond to, because, instead, he decided to F this rando in the gross club bathroom...WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

I need a shower I'm so squicked out right now. If this is going to be a Thing I'm out.

Whoa wait wait wait now RYAN is in a dodgy CLUB picking up a GUY??? A guy who, and I quote, "was Tabby all over." Tabby, aka Jake Taberner? And it's giving Ryan butterflies.?

WHAT'S HAPPENING??????!!!!!!! 🤯

Wait Ryan never once dated in 5 years? Says Jake, who observed all this as his tenant. No dating at all.

???

Jake is describing their past relationship as a "friendship." Ryan thinks it was landlord/police handler - tenant. But apparently they exchangesda lot of funny texts.

I remain confused. What is this relationship? It is distant, it is landlord-tenant only, it is strong enough to assume co-parenting, it is only professional, no, it's a medical helper... I think they're secretly married and in denial?!

Oooh surrogate Chloe giving Jake an ultimatum...THIS woman I like. She's the only one making sense in this entire book.

Now Ryan's boss is telling him to make nice with Jake and help him raise the baby and she just can't believe Ryan got in a fight with Jake over this silly little baby issue because they need Jake in the department.

This is the most delulu book to ever delulu. These people are ridiculous.

I am also eating the popcorn and watching the train wreck avidly.

Oh now RYAN is being blamed by his boss for Jake planning to resign from working for the police bc Jake wants to teach in college? And Ryan is trashing Jake to his boss (for his messiness; Jake's psychic talents are not in question/he's the finest they have)...

I think this book is set in the Twilight Zone and I am just a traveler here.

At this point I don't know if I should admire Jake's balls or send him to jail.

I'm thinking jail.

"I'm on a better pathway now. I could never have raised my son alongside someone who thinks I can't cope by myself. It would have wrecked my confidence."

Says Jake, who 1) has a medical condition that means he could drop dead ANY time without warning, who 2) is blind (NOT the main issue, but, should be factored in for challenges, right?) and 3) IS NOW HOMELESS.

Sure. This guy is REALLY ready to parent. Mm hmm.

Now Jake is blaming RYAN for their falling out bc Ryan is over-controlling, and that's why Jake didn't tell him about the baby...it's RYAN'S fault that Ryan wasn't pleased about being told he was going to help raise this baby Jake decided to have and never mentioned one word of to Ryan, who is his LANDLORD and WORK HANDLER.

Am I the asshole? Am I on crack? Am I not seeing something clearly???

No wonder they had a "falling out" and Jake is no longer living at Ryan's. Can you imagine telling your landlord, oh, by the way, I know I might die any time, and I know I'm blind (which is NOT the issue) but I've decided to have a baby, and it's coming, and you're going to help me raise it!

WHAT IS JAKE SMOKING??? And can I have some, because the delusions must be primo for this level of what-the-fuckery.