Status Updates From The Merriest Misters

“The moral of that story is the presents don’t matter.”
“Maybe in a perfect Seuss-world, but come on. If you were a child, how would you feel if you woke up on Christmas morning knowing Santa hadn’t been there?”

RANDOM ASEXUAL REPRESENTATION????!!!!!! Also not the talk between Patrick and his brother making me tear up, i don't even like Patrick all that much

“Remember when we were kids and we believed in Santa sight unseen? Just know there’s the right opportunity around the corner for you if you believe hard enough.” As I drove off, “Believe” by Josh Groban came on the radio. There was a little comfort to be found in that glorious man’s soothing baritone.

“Because I have a whole-ass ham to worry about. I can’t go starting conversations I don’t have the time to finish.” I don’t mention that we barely even talk about the weather these days.
“Be careful where you place your verbal commas,” Veronica says, unable to stop being a teacher ever. “Sounded like you said ass-ham. A ham made of ass.”