Status Updates From Four Mothers: An Intimate J...

“The goal now should be to create societies in which having children is not driven by war, colonialism, or capitalism but by people's genuine desire to be parents, with all the difficulty and joy that can bring. And then to honor parents' work with support so they can make the choices that allow them to live full, rich, modern lives.”

“Even admitting that she feels a longing to be with her child—and is willing to make professional sacrifices to satisfy it—is a brave and radical act in a culture that has used that kind of deep personal desire to justify gender inequality and push women into serving as the social safety net. But it is her way of staying true to who she is…”

“[Aurélie Athan, a clinic psychologist and faculty member at Teachers College, Columbia University] argues that the difference is, society allows teenagers to grow into whatever type of adult they wish to be whereas there’s an expectation mothers will fit into the maternal archetype their culture demands. "But there are so many ways of mothering as there are mothers, because they’re people."”

“The challenge was, and remains, to give motherhood real civic power without essentializing women as caregivers.”

"The government does not give mothers enough support and respect. Financial support is one thing but there's not enough support for mothers to return to work. It's really difficult and in lots of different contexts, I can feel that it's not equal for men and women here."

"I think it's in some ways harder for working dads who want to be really involved parents because they get less flexibility at work, whether implied or outright; it's still sort of going against the gender norm, like of course moms will want to be with their kids but if guys want to be with their kids, that's unmanly or there's a lot of baggage about that."

"I didn't see his needs or his fragility enough, and I think it surprised him as well." She feels responsible to help him through the turbulence of new parenthood. But as author Gemma Hartley writes, managing a partner's emotional state can exact a psychic toll. "Women are, in many unpaid ways, expected to keep those around us comfortable at all costs—including the cost to self."”

Smith College Professor Loretta J. Ross writes that, "mothering, radically defined, is the glad gifting of one’s talents, ideas, intellect, and creativity to the universe without recompense."

“One of her chief opponents was Labor Minister Ngala Mwendwa, who didn't even think she should be in government. Married women should be home with children and single women were unsuitable for leadership, he argued. "The first duty of a woman is to get a husband. If she fails to get a husband, she has failed her first examination and she is not worthy to represent anybody," Mwendwa said in 1966.“

“But her mother’s visit has also forced Tsukasa to acknowledge that one day, she and her daughter will inevitably drift apart. That she will experience, as her mother did, the exquisite pain of separation from a child. So […] she reminds herself that she needs to maintain her own identity. She cannot allow motherhood to swallow her whole.”

“With few opportunities for women to earn a living wage, their economic survival depended on marriage. By the late 1950s, marriage came to be known as women’s "eternal employment," something from which they could never retire.”

"The hard part is in a state that's so pro-family, where the goal is to have more kids, to procreate, the major insurance company doesn't cover fertility," she reflects.

“She wants her pregnancy to mark another turning point, when she will exorcise any shadows that still haunt her. "A mother's thoughts affect the fetus, so I know I have to resolve this issue; I've tried to heal myself, for her."”

“Each woman seemed to exist at the center of three concentric spheres of support: first her close family and friends, then her wider local community, and finally her country, or in other words the social, cultural, and state safety net. The less support she had in those spheres overall, the less agency she felt in how to be a parent.”