Status Updates From Empress Theresa

1. How on earth did Israel get involved with this
2. A world with no night sounds genuinely awful
3. Why does Theresa get so weirdly specific with some of her measurements
4. Theresa no

"It was nice that I wouldn't have to kill half a billion Asians. So much for that problem." Theresa what the actual fuck

Theresa NONE OF THIS IS HOW PHYSICS WORKS

" 'Why do Americans visit Paris?" I asked.
"I don't know. They have no cheerleaders here."
It was only a tired old city. American cities offered as much.
"I miss chipmunks," I said.'

This is so delightfully insane. What on earth.

I am unironically obsessed with "I was born. I had a good time. I was vaporized by a bomb." This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I'm curious to see where else this book can go, aside from everywhere.

I hate my life and Norman. Norman, if you read this, fuck you

A woman doesn’t mind dying so much if she knows her body will be preserved

So I found out that the NUCLEAR BOMB ISN'T THE WEIRDEST THING TO HAPPEN and i cannot believe Norm published this book

I'm regretting my life decisions right now- thanks Ben

This can't be real. Surely, this wasn't a legitimate attempt at writing a book.

I don't know if I'll be able to do this.

This shit is 🎵the woooooorst🎵

Ngl I skimmed most of this

Ah yes I have to save the world but first I must unwind in Paris which it turns out is stupid and bad and so I went to Dublin instead and it was way better and only lasted three paragraphs!

Why am I reading chapters full of word salad