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I was aware that my inquisitorial determination was bordering on addiction. The symptoms of my addiction, with the increasing frequency of my actions, the need for greater pain.

I came back to him, empty evolve feeling, pregnant with suspense.

The truth, of course, is that it was I who deliberately, naïvely, turned a blind eye. Which is why the secondary lives were in one sense also dream lives. I also chose not to look over the garden wall to where my friend lovers were busy in other compartments of their love lives.