Status Updates From Captive Rose

...closer, and when they were almost at the gate, he tightly gripped the rains.

Rains?

Velvet? In the 1200s? Oh well, the great Sharon Penman made the same error back in the days :p

But your annulment could take weeks to be approved by the Church, maybe longer.

Who knew annulments were so easy in the 13C. Why did Henry VIII have so much trouble?

She's never been outside of the castle on the Welsh border outside of the trip from London to get there. How does she know the way to her brother's castle? How?

Yet altogether it still wasn’t nearly enough to pay her way back to Damascus.

Just how do you think you're going to get out of your husband's castle on the Welsh border, past his knights, and catch a boat to Damascus all by yourself?

They passed through yet another gate, this one hinged and made of thick timber also reinforced with iron, but Leila took heart, noting a smaller door cut into one side. At least this gate might not prove difficult to pass through.

*dies laughing* She really believes that what little jewelry she has, and a few coins she steals and she's going to escape and get back to Damascus all by herself.

I know I'm nitpicking, but this book is so bad I can't help myself.

Let's guess. After all t h at on the wedding night, neither will think about confessing to a priest.

Annnnnnd, this is just the right tone to take when the king catches you in your evil doings. “Virgin, my ass,” Roger muttered. “Whore is more like it.”

It's Edward I's coronation day, but that doesn't stop the intrigues and dirty dealings and WTF happened here moments.

“I need one of you to perform a wedding ceremony. The rest of you must serve as our witnesses.

“Practice those words for the priest, my love. We must hurry.”

“But won’t I need Roger’s consent as my guardian?”

“No, thank God. The Church deems such consent unnecessary for anyone older than fifteen. Come.”

*head desk*

“Oooh, you know how much I enjoy a good paddling, my lord, and giving one as well. Perhaps tonight we might celebrate our good fortune by…”

This author fails utterly at understanding the medieval mindset and culture. Epic fail.

“By God, it makes a man hard just thinking about it! All that female flesh, just lying there for the taking…”

Such courtly manners, especially at a formal banquet the night before Edward is crowned.

You will fetch a very high price in the marriage market, my lady. Perhaps not among the firstborn sons of the nobility, who usually seek rich heiresses, but among others who might seek to better their station by acquiring an aristocratic wife.

Ummm, for real? She was born and raised in Syria, in her step-father's harem, trained in the arts of lurve by the maid and the eunuch, and the men will pay to marry her?

“I’m sure that when my brother understands the error that our mother has made, he will gladly provide transportation for me back to Damascus. Why would he want me as an added burden, especially if I was unhappy here?

Righto, your long-lost brother in England is going to let you go right back to Syria. I'm a believer.

Nothing like a hero who can get in and out of all that medieval armor without a squire. Oh, and she's still plotting to get away, but on her own in France with no money - how on earth is she going to make her way back to Syria?

Now we're crossing the English Channel. In a ship that has cabins. I'm not sure, and google hasn't helped me, but did boats in the 1200s have cabins?

*slightly spoilerish*

His first wife killed herself over a lover? For realz?

Did ships have cabins back in the 1200s? *ponders*

“In truth, my lady, I fear no battles but the one I wage myself. A virgin’s scent is a tempting trial for any man, but I have sworn to protect, not ravage you. Have I made myself clear?”

This is so medieval make believe :/

“Don’t say another word, my lady, or I can assure you a sound slap on your delectable bottom will surely follow. That should entertain these good people.”

We're in a life or death situation here and all the H can think about is her creamy flesh and slender limbs? For realz?

Though he himself was not wholly satisfied, the aching fullness in his loins had been eased. There was nothing like anger to fuel a good bout of lovemaking.

This is supposed to be our hero?

This is turning out to be a wallpaper romance topped off with too many exclamation points.

Soon he would be rumbling across a city swarming with soldiers in some sort of wagon with a drugged young woman who was none other than the sister of his worst enemy and the adopted daughter of the most renowned physician in the Arab Empire! daughter of the most renowned physician in the Arab Empire!