Status Updates From Narcissistic Mothers and Co...

"DO NOT BELIEVE NARCISSISTS WILL CHANGE

Once you get away, the narcissistic parent will try to get you back with all sorts of pretenses. Don’t fall for it, not again. Do not give them any information about yourself and do not try to explain anything."

"The narcissistic parent can make you suffer like nobody else can, because they diminish, exploit, and devaluate without any remorse.

My narcissistic mother had the emotional maturity of an angry child that wanted to be seen as special and good, no matter what she did, and wanted to be the one in control. Yet the way to get that was through undermining and through sick head games."

Part of projecting is accusing their children of being exactly what the narcissistic parent is. Things like being selfish, for example. It is a major feature of narcissists, but they accuse their children of it because they know what it is and are very afraid their children might not serve them as they are expected to. It is what they are most afraid of: that you will not put them first, as they believe they deserve.

"Shamed children respond with a freeze reaction. Shame is disempowering and paralyses the victim. It feels like you want to disappear, to become invisible so they will leave you alone. It is the response to being reduced and humiliated, and it has a lot to do with the feeling of helplessness – being caught up in a situation you cannot change."

"Please realise that you never knew what normal was and you were not in a position to change your situation as a child. The fact that you survived without turning into a narcissist means you were stronger. Be kind to yourself."

"Toxic shame is believing you are inherently wrong, inadequate, insufficient. Believing that if people see who you truly are they will be disgusted as much as you are. It leads to catastrophising and self-hatred as a way of life, to anxiety and mental paralysis. It leads to a harsh inner voice and inability to relax and enjoy life."

"Reasoning never works with narcissists."

"Getting angry when something about their behaviour is challenged in the nicest way, is a typical reaction of a narcissistic parent."

The message they send to the children is ‘I gave you life, you owe me, you will be who I want you to be and you will make me feel good.’ The parents take their children’s love, loyalty, and validation but give none of it back.
A devastating outcome of narcissistic abuse is that their children end up treating themselves in the same abusive way. The harsh and nasty inner voice they have is a direct result of the abuse.

"Covert narcissism is the ultimate abuse of the word ‘good.’ They must be seen as ‘good people,’ you must be a ‘good child’ to serve them. To be ‘good’ in the narcissistic world, you have to betray your own feelings and needs. You have to agree they are great when they are not, that they are right when they are not."

"Covert narcissists prey on people with the right weaknesses for them to exploit. This is why the abuse is wrapped in a pretense of care, and they can get people fooled for a very long time.

The worst thing about covert narcissists is that they can get away with the abuse of their children for a very long time, even when the children are adults and have families of their own."

"They develop complex ways to blame others when things don’t go their way, while still projecting a good image to anyone who will buy it. Their existence is based on keeping their false image, and their offspring are burdened with the task of filling the gap between image and reality and paying the price with their own mental health and wellbeing."

"Narcissistic supply is exactly that – being seen as a superior, a higher authority, a special, capable, wiser and faultless person, and being held in higher esteem than the rest. If it is pointed out that they are not that, then the narcissists react with childish rage."

"This is why narcissists have children – to get a lifetime supply of adoration and control as the higher power in the relationship. This is why narcissistic abuse is so damaging and consuming – it defies reason and logic. It is a game of shame and blame, of twisting reality to benefit the parent.

Narcissistic parents lack empathy,"