Swaye’s Reviews > Narcissistic Mothers and Covert Emotional Abuse: For Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents > Status Update

"DO NOT BELIEVE NARCISSISTS WILL CHANGE

Once you get away, the narcissistic parent will try to get you back with all sorts of pretenses. Don’t fall for it, not again. Do not give them any information about yourself and do not try to explain anything."

"The narcissistic parent can make you suffer like nobody else can, because they diminish, exploit, and devaluate without any remorse.

My narcissistic mother had the emotional maturity of an angry child that wanted to be seen as special and good, no matter what she did, and wanted to be the one in control. Yet the way to get that was through undermining and through sick head games."

Part of projecting is accusing their children of being exactly what the narcissistic parent is. Things like being selfish, for example. It is a major feature of narcissists, but they accuse their children of it because they know what it is and are very afraid their children might not serve them as they are expected to. It is what they are most afraid of: that you will not put them first, as they believe they deserve.

"Please realise that you never knew what normal was and you were not in a position to change your situation as a child. The fact that you survived without turning into a narcissist means you were stronger. Be kind to yourself."

"Toxic shame is believing you are inherently wrong, inadequate, insufficient. Believing that if people see who you truly are they will be disgusted as much as you are. It leads to catastrophising and self-hatred as a way of life, to anxiety and mental paralysis. It leads to a harsh inner voice and inability to relax and enjoy life."

"Reasoning never works with narcissists."

"Getting angry when something about their behaviour is challenged in the nicest way, is a typical reaction of a narcissistic parent."

The message they send to the children is ‘I gave you life, you owe me, you will be who I want you to be and you will make me feel good.’ The parents take their children’s love, loyalty, and validation but give none of it back.
A devastating outcome of narcissistic abuse is that their children end up treating themselves in the same abusive way. The harsh and nasty inner voice they have is a direct result of the abuse.

"Covert narcissism is the ultimate abuse of the word ‘good.’ They must be seen as ‘good people,’ you must be a ‘good child’ to serve them. To be ‘good’ in the narcissistic world, you have to betray your own feelings and needs. You have to agree they are great when they are not, that they are right when they are not."