Status Updates From Sad Laughter

“You’ve finally reached the point of gnome return, which Kafka says is the point that must be reached, so hella kudos.”—Gnome Chomsky

"Reminder: All your favorite male authors were mama’s boys."

"You may or may not regret admitting on a literary podcast that you generally prefer hand jobs while getting your butthole fingered over having regular sex."

Who doesn't though, am I right?

"Write how you want, edit how you want, just please stop quoting Hemingway."

"Keep writing so as to live your shitty dream that one day your art will be misunderstood by lots and lots of people, not just a few."

"Writing prompt:
“That’s the last time you ever embarrass me at a Zaxby’s,” she cried..."

Posting because I both love and have cried at Zaxby's.

"The thing about poetry is that writing a poem only seems like a good idea at the time but then oh boy."

"To be a writer you’ll need two of the following forms of ID: MFA; substance abuse problem; eating disorder; weird upbringing; inherent dislike towards people coupled with a somewhat disturbing reverence for your pet(s); twitter account."

"Is getting Small Press as Fuck tattooed in Papyrus lettering on your chest a good idea, or no?"

"If you actually attend AWP, your main concern should not be to mingle with bullshit writers/publishers/agents but to find the person with the best drugs."

"Writers shouldn’t waste time developing their characters because people are garbage pretty much always/forever."

"As important in literature as it is in life: Only associate with the best weirdos and losers."

<3

“If I ever get to that point then I just shouldn’t be alive,” she said. “You’d have to kill me.”
“Great,” he said. “I’m already at that point, and you obviously know what to do, so your move.”

"Unsolicited writing critiques vs. unsolicited dick pics vs. get u an editor who does both?"

#yesplease

"Pretty sure that poets and people who are really into porn are the only ones still using Tumblr."

And now the porn is gone too. :(

"#TFW someone tells you to check out that new movie adaptation of that one book you never read and your eyes glaze over and you want to die but mainly because of other things."

"Most writers should just take a break from being writers and develop a debilitating drug habit for a few years, and even then, who the hell knows?"

"Q: Who are your main influences?
A: Oh, you mean like the people responsible for ruining my entire life? Well, let’s see..."

"Reminder: Self-publish. (Also, self-destruct.)"

"HOT LIT TIP: Never meet your literary heroes, even the ones who already seem like shitty people. It’ll only get unimaginably worse. In fact, don’t meet anyone ever."

"Pen name goals: Crocodile Hunter S. Thompson"

"Poetry reading where poets read poems in their worst Arnold Schwarzenegger voice."

"One thing that’s worse than think pieces about the book Infinite Jest is the book Infinite Jest."

ell oh ell @ CoolieC

"She Loves Weed More Than She Loves Me: A Love Story"

A lot of my exes can probably relate to this one.
#oops