Status Updates From Jewel of Tharn (Richard Bla...

Strange dying world with phallic worship.

Mounting a woman's severed head on a giant stone dick for public display is so on the nose, it's like a growth your doctor should look at.

The book tries to be serious dramatic politics, which works right up until the queen basically commands, "Assemble the Warriors in the Great Square of the Dick."

And now we have dickswords.

If the director of Zardoz and the writer of Gor filmed an orgy, it would look like this book.

"The gargoyles on the building were in the shape of sharp, thrusting phalli." How do we know the stone penises were thrusting? Are there anime speed lines?

Oh, wait. Halfway through sex, the love interest turns out to just be a sex hologram. I hate when that happens. That's why I don't go to Tijuana anymore.

To avoid surveillance, the love interest has hidden something deep inside her vagina for the hero to find. Which he will, for his is THE PENIS OF PROPHECY.

Our hero admits to being sexually overprivileged. I hear there are support groups for that.

All the aliens want a glimpse of our hero's legendary magic penis, FORETOLD IN PROPHECY.

I love the fact that our hero, stuck on Amazon World, has to use a suit of armor "made for a woman! A woman with huge breasts!" I will be unable to keep a straight face in any serious scene.

Our brave interdimensional traveler is recognized as a ruler in his new world because of his gigantic exposed penis. Yup, this is what I'm in for.