Status Updates From The Odyssey

Book 6: in which Athena saves Odysseus from Poseidon’s wrath and safely shipwrecks him on an island. Book 7: I have lost the plot. But maybe the king of the island wants Odysseus to stay and marry one of his daughters. And Athena plays every other minor character in the crowd.

Book 5: Zeus sends Hermes to Calypso, telling her that while kidnapping Odysseus is all in good fun, it’s time to let him go back home to his wife. To which she says, fine…but he can only leave in a raft. Odysseus is like wtf? And Calypso says, thems the rules, but here’s a new wardrobe and let’s fuck for the road. Poseidon finds Odysseus and says fuck that dude and tries to kill him with a storm.

Book 1-3: Odysseus is being held captive by Calypso. Meanwhile, his wife Penelope is plagued by suitors, who say Odysseus is prolly dead & she should get over him by marrying one of them. To which she says, yeah, sure, but let me finish this death shroud first, so all this thread don’t go to waste. His son TC can’t get no respect & is taking a boat to go look for his father before he agrees to a new step-daddy.