Status Updates From Lost and Found

Hey, I was just thinking, you know what we haven’t done?’
Sophie thought about that. ‘In the bedroom? I can’t think of anything. Unless you wanna go full fifty shades. But can you take it easy on my bum? It’s quite sensitive.’

how do you find a map?’ Sophie asked. ‘I mean, most places have some sort of visitor centre, and you can usually find them there. But how in the blue fuck do you find a visitor centre without a map in the first place? Look at me now. In a field. There’s an actual cow over there,’ she said, pointing at the beast thirty yards away, gently chewing the cud. ‘This is me without a smartphone. Absolutely useless.

She was giving up, getting the cat, subscriptions to every movie channel, possibly joining a wine of the month club, calling it a day. There was no room in that scenario for people like this to be leaning against walls, looking edible.