Status Updates From Heritage (The Sky Jewel Leg...

Fast pace shenanigans

1. “…embodiment of the sorcerer… extension of himself” not themselves. Again, you can’t go from a singular to a plural.
2. “…turned back into her ghoulishly radiant female form…” Human. Human form. She’s female even as a bat, that doesn’t go away.

1. The plural of pegasus is pegasi.
2. Jen can recognize the scent of Indian gooseberries?
3. James Bond is English, enchante is French. A better comparison would have been Dartanian, or Inspector Clouseau.

Oof okay so the writing is a bit rough, could have benefitted from a professional editor. Just some writing and grammar errors, clunky sentence structure at times. There should probably be a little more “show don’t tell,” and Jan discovering her “omnimancy” should have been revealed by discovery rather than just telling the reader. She should have discovered her powers with practice or by accident.

The mentor’s behavior is strange.

"Jen instinctively shied away from the unwanted attention—but something inside smothered her fear, making her stand up a little straighter and face the onlookers with confidence."

If she's standing up straighter, she's not shying away! Literally! FFS, it's all like that!

Ok, it's almost over.

“Goooooooooooood . . .” Draconex whispered, letting the word drag out until he ran out of breath."

This is the most important minion again. Can you imagine how ridiculous it would look and sound in reality?

I'm starting to think it's ridiculous on purpose, because it doesn't make sense otherwise.

“That chair is reserved for the Light Bringer of Merlin’s prophecy.” Jen was quiet for a moment. “I wish we could know who he or she is.”

Calling a second thing, this heralded hero will be MC. 1000000%

“Hey,” Jen said, sitting up straighter. “Don’t hate the sorceress, hate the magic.” “Oh, that’s good.” Gavin snickered."

Is it, is it really?

Anyway, calling it now, the amnesiac is her father, the cat is related to him and might be her mother.