Status Updates From Ciel In All Directions (Cie...

Wtf why would you set up an interesting conflict and then instantly defuse it? Oh gee I hope we don't have to go back to that cafe where the employee embarrassed us... Oh ok good we don't
Weak

Canadian buses don't have a stop cord? You actually have to get the driver's attention? How quaint

This scene in the country is nice, I can hear birds and smell the sun on the grass- oh, that's in reality

"I read online that it was a good idea to interact with people on my channel."
So it's not because you actually like your fans, ok 🤣

"my friend immediately starts to recite poetry in a very expressive way. Yeah, I know! I can’t get over that she’s able to do that!"
...and that's it, that's the end of the chapter. This is what I mean when I say you're describing the scene instead of describing the action

"She looks very knowledgeable, so I imitate her."
Same

“You’re not the only boy to…the only girl, I mean…or boy?"
No offense but that doesn't happen to sentient people. Even before all this was mainstream that would have been considered rude. People generally don't want others to KNOW if they can't tell their gender.

You'd have to look exceedingly masculine to actually be denied access to the womens restroom. There are some pretty masculine women out there

"The proportion of kids with natural colored hair is very low" 🤣 ok well you heard it here first

Okay put your nine year old in drag, but talking about his cleavage is a little much

I can believe this narrator is 14 years old. I know YA tends to have zero subtlety but the torrents of information in every character introduction are a little excessive

You think it's uncommon to have a GSA club at school? MY school had a GSA and there were about 40 students per graduating class

"Every time Mr. Brazeau asks if there are any questions, it’s as if he’s just announced that the school was imposing a mandatory uniform or something. Everyone seems to panic and start talking all at once."
See this is good, that shows the narrator's priorities. And you didn't ramble on about fashion or go off on a tangent or anything

I don't know what "keyed up" means, but anyway this is a weird way to introduce your characters. By coming up with scenes that could show certain traits but never actually fleshing them out. It's almost like a stream of consciousness but it's the author's instead of the character's