Status Updates From Changing Emotion With Emoti...

Once emotion changes, cognition and narratives also change. Now, people, neglected as children, who no longer feel unworthy change their narratives: Where once they were unlovable, now the narrative specifies that others were incapable of love. Where once people who were abused blamed themselves and felt ashamed or guilty about the abuse, now they see themselves as not responsible.

Shakespeare wrote, “Be fire with fire; threaten the threatener and outface the brow of bragging horror” (V, i, 48–50; Staunton, 1898). In other words, respond by using a similar method, match kind with kind; so, here: change emotion with emotion.

The paradox of this path to emotional change, however, is that it does not start with trying to change emotion. Rather, itʼs the opposite: to fully accept the painful emotion. Emotions must be fully felt and their message heard before they are open to change by new emotions. Emotion acceptance always precedes emotion transformation: You have to feel an emotion to heal an emotion.

I have found that the primary maladaptive emotions most in need of change that arise in most therapies are fear of danger, fear of separation, shame of unworthiness, and the sadness of lonely abandonment. And the adaptive emotions that help in the transformation process are empowered anger, the sadness of grief, and compassion (Greenberg, 2015).

he major healthy emotions appear to be empowering anger, the sadness of grief, and self-compassion all with approach tendencies that activate the organism to act to get what is

To change the core vulnerability that leads them to so much fear, sadness, and shame, people first have to access it. Next, they need to identify the wound that resulted in their basic negative view of themselves. Then, they need to heal the basic vulnerability and begin to build a stronger sense of self.

Kısaca:
Her duyguya doğrudan güvenilmez; önce sağlıklı mı değil mi anlaşılır, sonra ya rehber alınır ya da dönüştürülür.

Terapist ve danışan birlikte şunu sorgular:
Bu duygu sağlıklı (uyumlu) mu, yoksa geçmiş yaralardan gelen sağlıksız (uyumsuz) bir duygu mu?

Eğer duygu sağlıklıysa, kişi onu bir rehber olarak kullanabilir (ne yapması gerektiğini gösterir).
Eğer duygu sağlıksızsa, hemen ona göre hareket etmek yerine o duyguyu daha derin işleyip dönüştürmek gerekir.

Therapists and clients together need to ask, “Is this feeling adaptive, or is it a maladaptive feeling possibly based on a wound of some kind?” If the personʼs core feelings are healthy, they should use those feelings as guides to action. If those core feelings are unhealthy, the person needs to process those feelings further to promote change.

Describing a feeling in words makes emotional experience more available for reflection. Naming emotion also is a first step in regulating emotions.

the chronic avoidance of unwanted internal experiences has been linked to many different mental health problems and to the dampening of positive emotions (Gross, 1998, 2002; Gross & John, 2003; Kashdan et al., 2006; Roemer et al., 2005)

Danışan duygularına dışarıdan bakan biri gibi değil, içeriden ve bedensel olarak hissederek temas kurmalıdır (örneğin diş ağrısını hissetmek gibi).

Bu yüzden danışanlara:

Duygularını bastırmak yerine kabul etmeleri
Onlarla biraz kalıp deneyimlemeleri
Nefes alarak duygunun gelmesine izin vermeleri önerilir

Clients should not feel that they are on the outside looking in at themselves; rather, they should have a bodily sensed awareness of what is felt from the inside—like the sensing of the throbbing of a toothache. Clients should be encouraged to welcome their emotions, dwell on them, breathe, and let them come.

You have to feel it to heal it. It is important to help people understand that they cannot leave a place until they have arrived there first and that the only way out of painful emotion is to go through it.

The more people are disconnected from their basic emotions, the more complicated they become, and they lose touch with an internal emotional compass that tells them if something is good or bad for them; they also lose touch with what they actually feel in their bodies and become disoriented.

Adults rarely function with pure emotions but have complex schematically based emotional experiences that are tinged with interpretation, idiosyncratic meanings, and syntheses of a variety of basic emotions. These emotion schemes, however, have their roots in basic emotions.

Our efforts to stop feelings and thoughts often are in vain. In a nutshell, emotion schemes are processed automatically and unconsciously, emerging from the interaction between innate emotional responses and personal experiences.

The amygdala, which has direct connections with many other parts of the brain and body in combination with other parts of the limbic system, is predominantly responsible for the speed and dynamic nature of our emotional responses. It bypasses the thinking brain (cerebral cortex) because there is no time to think when we face life-threatening dangers or threats, and the amygdala has to “sound the alarm.”

The seat of emotion is the limbic system, which comprises four main parts: the hypothalamus, amygdala, thalamus, and hippocampus.

Instrumental (amaçlı) duygular
Bir hedefe ulaşmak için kullanılan duygular (ağlayarak istediğini yaptırmak)
Bazen manipülatif

Duygular ve Terapide Anlama Özeti
Primary (birincil) duygular
İlk gelen, gerçek, ham duygular (korku, üzüntü, utanç)
Adaptif olabilir (yardım eder) veya maladaptive (geçmiş travma, bağlanma sorunları)
Secondary (ikincil) duygular
Birincil duygunun üstüne gelen savunma/koruyucu duygular (öfke, umutsuzluk, depresif tepkiler)
Genelde birincil duyguyu gizler veya keser

“Her zaman ifade edilenden daha fazlası vardır.”

👉 Yani:

İnsanlar duygularını tam söylemez
Bazen kendileri bile fark etmez

Terapist, empati kurarak şunu araştırır:

👉 “Başka ne hissediyor olabilirsin?”

Metindeki sorular çok önemli:

“Başka ne hissettin?”
“O anda başka bir duygu var mıydı?”
“Şu an bu duygunun altında başka bir şey olabilir mi?”

Then, by understanding and empathizing with their clients, therapists get to more primary feelings by focusing on whatever else the client may be feeling. The therapist might ask, “What else were you feeling? Were you feeling anything else at the time? Right now, are there any feelings underneath the feelings youʼre talking about?”

Here, therapists need to help people become aware of the aim of their emotional expression and explore more direct ways to communicate their emotions.

manipulative emotion, seen as an expression used to get what one wants or for secondary gain. Typical examples are the expression of anger to control or to dominate, or crocodile tears to evoke sympathy. Instrumental emotion can be generated with different degrees of awareness of conscious intent.