Esra’s Reviews > Changing Emotion With Emotion: A Practitioner's Guide > Status Update

Once emotion changes, cognition and narratives also change. Now, people, neglected as children, who no longer feel unworthy change their narratives: Where once they were unlovable, now the narrative specifies that others were incapable of love. Where once people who were abused blamed themselves and felt ashamed or guilty about the abuse, now they see themselves as not responsible.

Shakespeare wrote, “Be fire with fire; threaten the threatener and outface the brow of bragging horror” (V, i, 48–50; Staunton, 1898). In other words, respond by using a similar method, match kind with kind; so, here: change emotion with emotion.

The paradox of this path to emotional change, however, is that it does not start with trying to change emotion. Rather, itʼs the opposite: to fully accept the painful emotion. Emotions must be fully felt and their message heard before they are open to change by new emotions. Emotion acceptance always precedes emotion transformation: You have to feel an emotion to heal an emotion.

I have found that the primary maladaptive emotions most in need of change that arise in most therapies are fear of danger, fear of separation, shame of unworthiness, and the sadness of lonely abandonment. And the adaptive emotions that help in the transformation process are empowered anger, the sadness of grief, and compassion (Greenberg, 2015).

he major healthy emotions appear to be empowering anger, the sadness of grief, and self-compassion all with approach tendencies that activate the organism to act to get what is

To change the core vulnerability that leads them to so much fear, sadness, and shame, people first have to access it. Next, they need to identify the wound that resulted in their basic negative view of themselves. Then, they need to heal the basic vulnerability and begin to build a stronger sense of self.

Kısaca:
Her duyguya doğrudan güvenilmez; önce sağlıklı mı değil mi anlaşılır, sonra ya rehber alınır ya da dönüştürülür.

Terapist ve danışan birlikte şunu sorgular:
Bu duygu sağlıklı (uyumlu) mu, yoksa geçmiş yaralardan gelen sağlıksız (uyumsuz) bir duygu mu?

Eğer duygu sağlıklıysa, kişi onu bir rehber olarak kullanabilir (ne yapması gerektiğini gösterir).
Eğer duygu sağlıksızsa, hemen ona göre hareket etmek yerine o duyguyu daha derin işleyip dönüştürmek gerekir.