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Yet research shows that how often parents argue has no bearing on their children’s academic, social, or emotional development. What matters is how respectfully parents argue, not how frequently. Kids whose parents clash constructively feel more emotionally safe in elementary school, and over the next few years they actually demonstrate more helpfulness and compassion toward their classmates.

A meta-analysis of those studies showed that relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices.

Every time we encounter new information, we have a choice. We can
attach our opinions to our identities and stand our ground in the
stubbornness of preaching and prosecuting. Or we can operate more like
scientists, defining ourselves as people committed to the pursuit of truth—
even if it means proving our own views wrong.