Status Updates From Polysecure: Attachment, Tra...

But you can choose someone in a monogamous relationship as well, so..."Personally, I find security in the fact that when I’m in CNM relationships I know that my partners are not with me because they are obliged to be, but because they continue to choose to be. However, the inherent insecurity in CNM relationships can be grinding."

I like the reframing where it's autonomy/independence vs. community/dependence and it's a spectrum. "The healthy range on this spectrum corresponds to the skills and abilities of the secure attachment style, where a person is able to embrace their autonomy without fear of abandonment, as well as dive deep into intimacy and connection without the concern of engulfment."