Status Updates From The Remembering

“But this was someone else’s needs intruding into every task and thought and action, so Rosie could not finish things the usual way, could not plan and schedule and know that this is how it would be. The interruptions were random, interfering with Rosie’s own chores and causing her to lose focus and make mistakes.”

“Rosie had not anticipated it quite like this. Somehow, she had thought of Helping Nana being like an extra bit of homework, added onto the normal routines in an organised chunk—and she was delighted to help. Nana was special and she deserved all the help they could give. “

***Reading this on Hoopla so I have to post my highlights here…

“I have to live in the present now, in the moment. But the present leans on the past and my past is missing. Threadbare. No future. Just a present full of holes.”


😔

“No matter how we had planned for old age, the two of us, no matter how long-sighted and frugal we had been, I was going to become one of the dispossessed.”

“But we did not listen to our grandparents enough. How many times, since my own parents died, have I wanted to know what happened to them through the Second World War or my grandparents in the First World War. So many fascinating things that I had no interest in until it was too late. Grandparents had more time to remind everyone of their roots, too, their relationships and togetherness.”

this is breaking me…

The girls didn’t tell me things like they used to. Did they think I was not capable of rational thought these days? Of rational listening? Little curls of fear stirred in my stomach sometimes. I did not care too much that acquaintances were less inclusive lately but please, please don’t let my own family stop consulting or discussing or just plain gossiping with me. That was the power that ran my engine.

why were they excluding me from this conversation? They must think it would upset me. Why? Were they planning on sticking me in a Home too? No. They wouldn’t do that. They couldn’t do that, anyway. I was independent and in charge of my own life and would continue to be so until…wait a minute…the Power of Attorney. Does that allow them to move me into a Home against my will? No, of course not.

😐😐

When Anthony suggested an assessment to place their mother in a senior’s home with help from home care in the meantime, the family erupted. Horror at dumping poor Mother in a home but multiple reasons why they were unable to do more to help, infighting over what should happen next, and aspersions cast in Ginny’s direction.

Help had not been forthcoming when Ginny warned the Nolan family of their mother’s increasing dependency. Anthony’s brother Neil, worked out on one of the oil rigs and was only in town for two weeks at a time. Anthony’s sister, Midge, dropped in with a cooked meal now and then and checked on the fridge, but the rest did nothing…. just expected Ginny to look after everything—she was the nurse, after all.

this book having less than 25 ratings ???????

Then. Then I would close the bedroom door and collapse onto the bed, which was the only part of the house that was entirely mine—half a bed, really—and I would let everything go. This was my eight o’clock. I would feel my muscles slacken and all thought drain out, taking with it every irritation or intention or remembrance of something unfinished until I was empty. Peace.

You always liked stimulating conversation at dinner, and the girls loved it too. You said it was the best part of a meal. But the noise made my brain rattle, and you would still all be arguing as the girls helped me clear away, and I would have to dodge round someone standing in the middle of the floor emphasizing a point until finally I would chase you all out of the kitchen.

“This was my old eight o’clock feeling— that final peace and quiet after hours of turmoil. There were times, years really, when surviving until eight o’clock had been my foremost goal. “