Status Updates From Teen Stages: The Breakthrou...

Autonomy and rebellion are different things.
Negotiate openly and cooperatively over chores, consequences etc
Parents are allies.

Eventually, we are hoping that our older teens and YA will let us become consultants if we have maintained a good relationship with them and they trust us.

“I support you growing up but you are still inexperienced. We are on the same team.”

Good phrases for resistant teens:
“I can’t make you do things but here are consequences”
“I will keep telling you what I think is important/you should know”
“What you do affects others, so think about consequences before you act/say/don’t say”

Instead of controlling older teens, think about it as influencing them.

They’re reaching maturity when they realize they don’t need to fight us, they only need to be responsible.

Point out that their regular actions, thought, etc are making the person they will be.

They are very receptive to Critical thinking skills at this point. It’s useful to discus any issues they have as well as understanding the adult world.

Great phrases to have on hand
Fast and quick actions: hug often, back runs. Chats

Give one instruction at a time and follow up

They are disorganized and can’t keep track of time. We are their minds and reminders.

Nurture, nurture, nurture

The yearly stages is a helpful breakdown. Even though it may be more fluid than presented. It’s always a good reminder to say out loud how much we appreciate our teens etc.

The knowledge that Teens really do want us to teach, guide, and structure them gives parents confidence to act even when kids say otherwise.

Each day:
Comment on three good -small or large—things they do.
Ask them to do one -three things for you

Persist in having them face deadlines, chores, unpleasant things with encouragement.

Don’t hold grudges. Start new every situation. Don’t assume they will be like they were before. Allow them a fresh start.

Insist on courtesy and respect.
Set and be consistent, but flexible, with standards and limits.
Have consequences and rewards.
Stay engaged. Be present physically and emotionally. Spend time by and with them.

“These feelings are understood. You’ll feel better soon”

“ Your feelings are real but they aren’t who you are.”
“You will figure this out”
“I’m here for you “

Accept and affirm. Don’t talk them out of their feelings or try to “fix” things immediately

This chapter’s information is new to me. About the inward and

Even though it seems like teens don’t need parents as much any more, the opposite is true. Just like toddlerhood, this stage is about developing independence, so they push and act like they want us to leave them alone—and parents should scaffold and allow them to practice—but they need structure, input, and a LOT of emotional support.

“Young teens are both capable and dependent”
…short stage regression towards toddlerhood