JaNel’s Reviews > Teen Stages: The Breakthrough Year-by-Year Approach to Understanding Your Ever-Changing Teen > Status Update

Autonomy and rebellion are different things.
Negotiate openly and cooperatively over chores, consequences etc
Parents are allies.

Eventually, we are hoping that our older teens and YA will let us become consultants if we have maintained a good relationship with them and they trust us.

“I support you growing up but you are still inexperienced. We are on the same team.”

Good phrases for resistant teens:
“I can’t make you do things but here are consequences”
“I will keep telling you what I think is important/you should know”
“What you do affects others, so think about consequences before you act/say/don’t say”

Instead of controlling older teens, think about it as influencing them.

They’re reaching maturity when they realize they don’t need to fight us, they only need to be responsible.

Point out that their regular actions, thought, etc are making the person they will be.

They are very receptive to Critical thinking skills at this point. It’s useful to discus any issues they have as well as understanding the adult world.

Great phrases to have on hand
Fast and quick actions: hug often, back runs. Chats

Give one instruction at a time and follow up