Status Updates From Birched by the Krampus

shutup

“That's right, little witch," I say, my attack on the barrier strengthening. "By the time I've finished with those red cheeks, you'll wish you'd never made it to the naughty list."
With an almighty crash, the door smashes into a mass of sparks and splinters, which brush harmlessly against my fur.”

The worst part is that siggy isn’t even trying to make this good. Just consistently bad. It’s hilarious

”Forgive me," he says.

I turn to meet amber eyes brimming with sorrow. "What are you talking about?"

"You got hurt."

"But that's not your fault."

The Krampus winces. "You were under the care of a god. All you should have felt was comfort and pleasure.”

(Seriously??)

”I already know the answer to this question, but for the sake of formality, I must ask."

I melt against his strong body. "What?"

"Who did this to you?" the Krampus roars.

Stan screams.

Okay, this is odd. Krampus caught Stan in the act of torturing me half to death and even stopped him, so he already knows who put me in this state. But then again, who am I to question the ways of ancient gods?

(Bruh)

”No one has ever rushed to my defense. Not unless it was part of their job. The Krampus has only known me for a few minutes, and he hasn't even finished punishing the wicked, yet he's ready to spend Christmas Eve offering me protection.”

Girl

”I need to send a message to Krampus. He has to know he wasn't ghosted.”

Bsffr

”His cock is thicker than my bicep, adorned with prominent veins along an impossibly long shaft. It's probably the length of my forearm, but it's hard to tell since it bends forward about two-thirds of the way up and ends with a bulbous head the size of my fist.”

What the hell

”Movement flashes in the corner of my eye, and I glance down to find the longest, thickest, reddest cock, standing to attention. And it's shaped like an upside-down Christmas stocking.”

UMM WHAT TF JAJAJAHAHAH

”Old memories rise to the surface, from the time of demigods and giants, when I fucked sacrifices until they were broken, bleeding, and begging.
I look down at the witch and see an echo of their hunger, an echo of my own in centuries past. I am no longer the devourer of women—I am that which punishes the wicked.”

The fuck

Wait. Why is this not as bad as I thought it would be?

Listen.