Status Updates From The Arabian Nights

You have asked for a barber, and God has sent you a barber who is also an astrologer and a physician, versed in the arts of alchemy, astrology, grammar, lexi-cography, logic, scholastic disputation, rhetoric, arithmetic, algebra, and history, as well as the traditions of the Prophet.

O my lord, eight degrees and six minutes elapsed of this day, which is Friday, the eighteenth of Safar, in the six hundred and fifty-third year of Hijra and the seven thousand three hundred and twentieth year of the Alexander era, and the planet now in the ascendant, according to the calculations on the astrolabe, is Mars, which is in conjunction with Mercury, a conjunction that is favorable for cutting hair.

this is like unhinged ghibli in a good way 😭 ANG LAFFF KO

What a calamity! What a great calamity! Did I suffer such a painful beating and will my hand be cut off, just because I ate the ragout spiced with cumin and forgot to wash my hands? May god curse this ragout and its very existence.

This then is my adventure and strange story. Isn't it, O King, more amazing than the hunchback's story?
The king of China replied, "No, it is not more amazing than the hunchback's story, and i must hang all four of you for the hunchback's death."