jade > Recent Status Updates

“aliens and wormhole gates and a protomolecule ghost that only talked to the most famous person in the solar system. i don’t think my follow-up to that can be Humans Still Shitty to Each Other. lacks panache.”

is this the time to say i love monica? like, a lot

“all those new faces and old corners. shit changes and doesn’t. i did, you didn’t.”
“i live on a spaceship and fight alien monsters sometimes,” amos said with a shrug of his elbows. “so that’s different.”

seemed like a fact of the universe that the closer you got to anything, the worse it looked. take the most beautiful person in the solar system, zoom in on them at the right magnification and they were an apocalyptic cratered landscape crawling with horrors. that’s what the earth was. a shining jewel from space, up close a blasted landscape covered with mites living by devouring the dying.

and what was worse, she couldn’t think about it. couldn’t concentrate. whenever her focus slipped, it slipped onto james holden. the sound of his voice, his despairing and undaunted laughter, the shape of his ass. he haunted her.

this about killed me. the mouth sounds he makes? great. also: The Shape of His Ass.

funny that so many ppl complain about elvi tho while all male povs are HORNY as hell

“cap,” amos said, coming around the corner of the tower. “sorry to interrupt, but that cute scientist is looking for you.”
it took holden a moment. “the biologist?”
“well, the geologist ain’t bad, i guess, but he’s not my preferred flavor.”

i was wondering when we'd get confirmation on amos not being straight

“and holden? what about him? does he know?”
“even if he does, what’s he going to do about it? speak to it reassuringly?”

“and… and what is civilization if it isn’t people talking to each other over a goddamned beer?” fayez said, then lolled his head back over his shoulder. “am i right?”

“fuckin’ a,” amos called back.

“something very bad is happening on this planet, and it has nothing to do with obstinate belters or sociopathic corporate security.”

why do i feel like this will be a perfect summary of the entire book

in the wide, bright sky above them, high-altitude winds pulled a huge green-and-pink cloud into thin streamers.

again, robbed. we needed more of this weird alien shit in the show.

as she watched, holden rubbed a hand across his chin, nodding at something that fayez was saying. it was an unconsciously masculine movement that left elvi thinking of large animals -- lions, gorillas, bears.

rubbing one's chin is masculine now?? reminiscent of BEARS? someone call the Writer Men Back On Their Bullshit Police

“why do i put up with your shit?”

“because,” amos said, starting to strip the assault rifle down to its component parts, “i’m the only one on the ship that can keep the coffee maker running.”

“a vast new frontier has opened up for us. we have the chance to create a new society, with untold riches beyond every gate. but this world has treasure, so instead of figuring out the right way to divide up the damned galaxy, we’ll fight over the first crumbs we find.”

humans really be out there being pieces of shit at every opportunity, huh

high above in the blue arc of sky, a wedge of vast creatures like aerial jellyfish trailed golden streamers from pale white bodies. lucia said each one was as large as a ship, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe that.

okay, we were ROBBED in the show. where the fuck were the aerial pale/gold jellyfish, mr. shankar???

the old lady leaned in toward the camera, her face swelling on the screen until holden could see the fine detail of every wrinkle and blemish.

“if fred is showing this to you, holden, know that your home planet appreciates your service. also try not to put your dick in this. it’s fucked enough already.”

that's right!! there's my queen of earth!!

tiny structures, smaller than atoms, harvest the energy of the fast-moving particles that pass through it. subatomic windmills. it eats the void and it reaches out it reaches out it reaches out.

an Attempt is being made at stream-of-consciousness prose. regardless of quality, i do appreciate it.

“more than once, cap’n,” amos said. “and no offense, but it does smell like a squirrel crawled up your ass and died there.”
“okay,” holden said, “you’ve got no room to complain. as i recall, i was the one who cleaned your bunk after that experiment with vodka goulash.”
“he’s got a point,” alex said. “that was damn nasty.”

crew banter is always good. also, vodka goulash??? damn.

“yeah, well let’s not get too happy,” miller said. “i keep warning you. doors and corners, kid. that’s where they get you. humans are too fucking stupid to listen. well, you’ll learn your lessons soon enough, and it’s not my job to nursemaid the species through the next steps.”

a+, my man. a+.

violence is what people do when they run out of good ideas. it’s attractive because it’s simple, it’s direct, it’s almost always available as an option. when you can’t think of a good rebuttal for your opponent’s argument, you can always punch them in the face.

“fair enough,” holden said. “i’ve got my crew. we’re a little banged up.”
“pure of heart, though,” amos said.

“we keep acting without thinking and you think the solution is to do it one more time. you have allied yourself with stupid, violent men, and you are trying to convince yourself that being stupid and violent will work. that makes you stupid too. i will never help you. i’ll fight you now.”

“the tragedy and loss and the sense of wonder changes what it means to be human. do you know what i mean?”

“why should i be forgiven for anything? i did it. that’s all.”
“but if --”
“what kind of justice would that be? ‘oh, you killed [spoiler], but you’re sorry now so it’s okay’? fuck that. and if that’s how your god works, then fuck him too.”

holden flopped onto his back. he felt like someone had run him through a shredder and then badly welded him back together. trying to remember what it felt like to be the size of a galaxy gave him a splitting headache, so he stopped.

“doors and corners,” [spoiler character] said. his voice was soft and rough. “i tell you check your doors and corners, an you blow into the middle of the room with your dick hanging out. lucky sonofabitch. give you this, though, you’re consistent.”

lmaoooo i will never stop living for characters slamdunking holden

he clapped amos on the back and said, “well, you’ve got a full load of torpedoes and bullets, three martian warships trailing you, one angry old lady in tea withdrawal, and a martian marine who could probably kill you with your own teeth. what do you do?”

“you tell me, captain.”

“you find someone else for them to fight.”

the martian marine was like one of those cute little beach bunnies that someone had used editing software on and blown up to 150 percent normal size. [...] it short-circuited his neural wiring. the lizard living at the back of his brain kept jumping back and forth between "Mate with it!" and "Flee from it!"

can someone shoot holden in the face now thanks

“i’ve been putting up with your bullshit for over a year now,” fred said. “this idea you have that the universe owes you answers. this righteous indignation you wield like a club at everyone around you. but i don’t have to put up with your shit. do you know why that is?”

holden shook his head, afraid if he spoke, it might come out as a squeak.

“it’s because,” fred said, “i’m the fucking boss.”

THANKS FRED!!

“i’m not asking you to sleep with him.”

“good, because i don’t use sex as a weapon,” bobbie said. “i use weapons as weapons.”

“are you feeling all right?” he asked. “i think this is the first conversation we’ve had in ten years where you haven’t said something vulgar.”

avasarala grinned at the screen, reaching out her fingertips as if she could caress him.

“cunt,” she said carefully.

i need more of this energy. i really do.

“corvette,” amos replied, obvious pride in his voice. “frigate-class fleet escort ship.”

“i don’t know what any of that means,” prax said. “it looks like a big chisel with an upside-down coffee cup on the back.”

me with every spaceship description lmao