Diana > Recent Status Updates

The only trouble was, Church, even the Catholic Church, didn’t take up the whole of your life. No matter how much you knelt and prayed, you still had to eat three meals a day and have a job and live in the world.        
I thought I might see how long you had to be a Catholic before you became a nun, so I asked my mother, thinking she’d know the best way to go about it.

Ah classic manic episode

بنظرم این خانوم نابغه‌ست و یه عالمه فیلم از کتاب‌هاش ساخته می‌شه ولی جهان این رو ده سال بعد میفهمه

I made a decision about Doreen that night. I decided I would watch her and listen to what she said, but deep down I would have nothing at all to do with her.

I liked looking on at other people in crucial situations. If there was a road accident or a street fight or a baby pickled in a laboratory jar for me to look at, I’d stop and look so hard I never forgot it.
I certainly learned a lot of things I never would have learned otherwise this way, and even when they surprised me or made me sick I never let on, but pretended that’s the way I knew things were all the time.

Do they know it's legal now

Reading about Vivien Leigh at 7:19 am just to feel something

I'm not over her death yet fr

ایمانش مثل کلاهش می‌ماند. با هر مد تازه عوضش می‌کند.

لحنش رو دوست ندارم

I’m hit with the realisation that my life was ruined, and I never got an apology. It looked like an accident, so it was treated like an accident. Maybe the reason I’ve never been able to move forward is that I’ve been trying to grieve an accident, when I know it all happened on purpose.

So fast that I feel the soul will be pulled up out of me. A woman passes before me. Behind me. Before me. Behind me. Betty, Lillian, Betty, Lillian. Beautiful, shocking, these terrifying shapes. Blonde to black to blonde. Beauty to beauty to beauty. Passing and spinning away from me so fast that I don’t have the time to think of how alarmingly lovely and present they are.

For a long time after, I tried to recreate that closeness. I’m not sure why it never came back. As good as I was to you, it was never the same as that night. Now I wish I could have just enjoyed the memory of us, rather than always trying to reanimate it. Overdoing it, you know.

And with a jolt I realise how much she has already come to mean to me, and how afraid I would be to lose her. She makes my thoughts feel real. Not like abstract things I can’t get a hold of or pin down or make sense of. She grounds me. Maybe she is the centre I have lost. I want to touch her. To hold on to her for just a moment and let her know what her company means to me.

Perhaps if I stay here for long enough, she will heal me. As long as the evening is coming down around me, as long as she will have me, I will stay here with her.

ولی آهسته رفتن عاقلانه‌تر است
آنها که به سرعت می‌دوند سکندری می‌خورند.

The rest of me, the most of me, is just afraid of what will happen if I stay isolated forever.

و دوزخ تجربی است.
تو آن‌ را تجربه کرده‌ای، حتی اگر شعرهای چندان عالی‌ هم نگفته باشی
گفتم که شاعرتر از شعرهای خودت هستی. و انسان باید این‌طور باشد

Those passing, pretty women remind me of all the friendships that I’ve misplaced. Those close connections that always fell short of lasting. Where are all of those girls now? Do they remember me ever?

بندتا کارلینی اگه احمق بود

از هم جدا شدیم: او برای این‌که به حجره‌اش برود و غصه بخورد، و من برای اینکه در حجره‌ام بنشینم و به افکار عجیبی که در سر زنان می‌گذرد بیندیشم.
این تاثیر گوشه‌نشینی است. انسان برای زیستن در جامعه زاده شده است، اگر او را از جامعه جدا و منزوی کنید، افکارش از هم می‌پاشند، منش و شخصیتش عوض می‌شود، هزار دلبستگی مسخره در قلبش سر بلند می‌کند، و مثل خارهایی در زمینی سخت و بایر، افکاری عجیب‌وغریب از ذهنش می‌گذرند.

از همه جدا شدیم: او برای این‌که به حجره‌اش برود و غصه بخورد، و من برای اینکه در حجره‌ام بنشینم و به افکار عجیبی که در سر زنان می‌گذرد بیندیشم.
این تاثیر گوشه‌نشینی است. انسان برای زیستن در جامعه زاده شده است، اگر او را از جامعه جدا و منزوی کنید، افکارش از هم می‌پاشند، منش و شخصیتش عوض می‌شود، هزار دلبستگی مسخره در قلبش سر بلند می‌کند، و مثل خارهایی در زمینی سخت و بایر، افکاری عجیب‌وغریب از ذهنش می‌گذرند.