Siobhan > Recent Status Updates

HA! In the UK, White Lightning is a very cheap cider that drunks and beggars stereotypically drink. It being anything else tickles me.

Wouldn’t you want your reader to get so emotionally involved in your manuscript that they cry? I want my book to make people laugh and cry!

Not being funny, but why is she so heartbroken? It all seemed pretty physical, they barely let their guards down with each other, and he was downright cruel in their argument. I’m not rooting for Ben and Piper as a couple, and if she was so heartbroken, why was she already back on dating sites? Make it make sense!

We were doing well until page 300, but now it feels meandering. Like it devolved into PWP for a few pages, then the set up for the break apart has been laborious. And now Pete’s had a personality transplant and Piper believes everyone at face value without having a conversation with Ben and they’re both being immature about their feelings. The first 3.5 of this story are 5 stars, but now, we’re losing stars

Oh no, this story was going so well and now they can’t be together because they’re both overthinking and not communicating and I loathe a forced miscommunication trope so much. It’s going to drag the story down for me.

Oh it's the first mention of Maisie in ages! I wanted to see her reaction to Piper and Ben, but it's just a hair tutorial off-page. That's a shame, because that gave more tension than "they've both been hurt in former romances and by overbearing parents" which we have repeating a fair bit by now.

It wasn’t the first time Piper spoke that meeting, she repeated “Raleigh?” A few paragraphs before

Calling it a shifter is cute. In the UK, it’s a gear stick

Hmmm, “I can’t justify a grooming plot” depends on the narrative behind it. A romance? Ick. Contemporary with a narrative pointing out the problematic elements of said plot? Workable, and highly emotive and relatable

Did I miss who Amy is? I know Elle and Maisie!

Oh good, at least Conor might be realising Noelle's overbearing dad got them split up. That's been an obvious plot twist.

Oh god, a derivative break up for tension? Really?! There were so many other potential routes!

This is a lesson on why you don't go back to your ex

Wish I had the money to ditch a laptop just to make a point

If you thought the sex addiction was a joke (and it is) why did you include it as a potential excuse, Noelle?!

That spit take came out of nowhere, her hands were in her book.

Also there's a horrible bit with speech marks in the middle of someone talking, but it's not a reference. More like a dialogue tag got deleted and the punctuation never removed

"He never would've kissed you if he thought we were over for good" isn't saying what you think it's saying, I think you mean "he only would've kissed you if he thoughts we were over for good" otherwise Conor is intentionally a cheater, babes

I thought they were in Conor’s room, not Noelle’s?

On a balcony? Really?! Also they never wear protection, crazy

Some of this narrative is unnecessarily repetitive. Don’t need to be told again about Ashley’s ex going into rehab

Noelle “works hard” except I haven’t seen her working. She’s socialising on the bus, delegating her social media work to a dancer, and hitting on the talent.

Literally only continuing and not DNFing for the Ashley subplot. The most interesting part of this!

Ma'am, how would pool water get into and remain in your nethers? That's a completely different sensations. I ... I can't even ... wow

By boob or my boob?

It’s a decent enough story. I’m intrigued by the Ashley plot. It’s not ready for publishing yet

Was this book even edited? It (the door) turned instead of Conor. Noelle is given a 15 minute warning for a meeting then 2 paragraphs later it’s “with 15 minutes to go until the meeting” these are easy mistakes to catch with a line editor! Ericson is allegedly a prolific writer!

That throat thing sounds weird. Like he was trying to sucker punch her

I’m glad the miscommunication wasn’t dragged out. It was obvious and would have been annoying

She twisted her to the side … twisted her what?

I thought the show was sold out? Also a bit weird that this tour hasn’t been sold out the better part of a year, but mainly the lack of continuity concerns me when we’re only a third of the way through so far

After a few hours one guy stopped playing video games and went for a nap on the tour bus. But I thought it was a 3 hour drive?

Okay this is the second time it’s been mentioned, but I’ve never heard of people being stopped from taking pictures or recording concerts. Part of the excitement of the current MCR tour is seeing the videos, learning the narrative between songs. That part’s weird to me.

Do we really need to refer to women as bitches? That could make a girl DNF