maria > Recent Status Updates

this is an insane read, i’ve been reading it slowly and savoring every piece of wisdom the bestie shares

ew nvm she’s literally elon musk

like this is literally that one dr. who episode…

no like she’s literally me like a. i would run that ship like it’s a fucking cult and b. i am crazy enough to literallyyyyyyy claim it as MY property like im the captain now absolutely. this lady is literally so unhinged im totally rooting for her

“this is the future. this is where mankind takes its next great step. this is where we become gods” okayyyy red flag.

“I mean, I know these things about myself. It is just the way I am, and though I have tried to improve myself by watching award-winning movies such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
and Gladiator, I don’t know, I just don’t like them. Everybody dies at the end and besides if there is not dancing or explosions, it is very hard for me to pay attention.”
OH SHE IS SOOOOOO REAL

““If you want to chew ice, Phillipe,” Grandmère said, coldly, “you can go and have your dinner at McDonald’s with the rest of the proletariat.”

IM GONE PLS DEAR LORD

“Oh, yeah, I’ll tell you how lucky I am: I’m so lucky that while I lie here in bed writing this, with no one but my twenty-five-pound cat, Fat Louie, to keep me company (and Fat Louie only likes me because I feed him), the boy I’ve been in love with since like forever is up at midtown right now with a girl who knows how to clone fruit flies and can tell if wounds need stitches or not.”
GIRL GET UP!!!!!!!!!

“Judith:
I love ice-skating! Although I’m not very good at it.

And she certainly isn’t. Judith is such a bad skater, she had to hold on to both of Michael’s hands while he skated backwards in front of her, just to keep from falling flat on her face.”

MIA IS SUCH A CUNT I LOVE HER LMFAO THIS BITCH

“But we’d be sitting beside each other in a darkened room! That counted for something. And Rocky Horror is sort of scary, so if I reached over and grabbed him, it might be okay.”

idk if the author of this book has ever watched Rocky Horror Picture Show bc girl ???????

“ We totally bonded in first grade, the day Orville Lockhead dropped trou in front of us in the line to the music room. I was appalled, having never seen male genitalia before. Lilly, however, was unimpressed. She has a brother, you see, so it was no big surprise to her. She just looked Orville straight in the eye and said, “I’ve seen bigger.”

IM ?????? THE IMPLICATION????????

“But Grandmère says real women are Princess Grace and Coco Chanel. I pointed out to her that Princess Diana is on my list, and you know what she said? She says she thinks Princess Diana was a “twink”! That’s what she called her. A “twink.”
Only she pronounced it “tweenk.”

IM SPEECHLESS

“Grandmère always wears purple. Lilly says people who wear purple a lot usually have borderline personality disorders, because they have delusions of grandeur. Traditionally, purple has always stood for the aristocracy, since for hundreds of years peasants weren’t allowed to dye their clothes with indigo, and therefore couldn’t make violet.”
OKAYYYY OLIVIA RODRIGO CORE

“But my dad’s another story. He is totally rigid in the discipline department. My mom says that’s because Grandmère used to punish him when he was a little boy by locking him into this one really scary room in their house.
Now that I think about it, the house my dad grew up in was probably the castle, and that scary room was probably the dungeon.”
GIRL I——-_

“But there’s nothing I can do for Michael Moscovitz. I can’t offer to do his homework, or anything. Michael is a senior (just like Josh Richter). Michael has gotten all straight A’s his entire life (just like Josh Richter). Michael will probably go to Yale or Harvard next year (just like Josh Richter).
What could I do for someone like that?”

honestly girl????? a blowjob idk

NOT DRAKKAR NOIR

oh how i’ve missed my beloved walter benjamin

saying proust and elvis look similar is insane to me (they do not)

like i could be a cat supporter if she wasn’t so asinine… like girl OVER A MAN RLLY MOVE ON

the fact that i’d like cat if she went about things in a less desperate, thirsty, and overall embarrassingly horny way… she’s lacking class. elegance, that she otherwise would easily possess i’m sure. like OVER A MAN??????

the “affect” he has on her huh…

STOP IT! GET A JOB! STAY AWAY FROM HER! dain is my actual enemy

i’m obsessed

miss yarros rlly gave someone 20/20 vision and called it a superpower….

here to see what all the hype is about …