Kim > Recent Status Updates

"How many moons must rise before you see that my foolish heart was always chained to yours?
Forever your fated husband.
Yanjun"

Awwww 💜


Meanwhile Luo Fan:
"I knew it. These were just more of his silly games - empty words meant to humiliate me, to make me blush, to watch my reactions so he could laugh."

WHAT???? NOOOOOO
😭 HE LOVES YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL

Not the Christian priest attacking "sinful" people while preaching non-violence. The irony...

He violated so many of his own bible rules, but of course it doesn't count because he's only "cleansing the world of sinners". Calling it "divine justice" too 🙃

"Heavenly Glide Elixir"

....also known as lube 😂😂

"It's considered taboo to bury someone while they still show signs of life, even the faintest. Even if death seems inevitable....In our village, we wait three days before burial."

I mean I bloody hope you don't bury someone while they're still alive. That would be such a fucked up thing to do.

And why is the "we only bury dead people" a specific tradition on this one island??? Shouldn't that be universal?

Song Qingshi not wanting to have sex ("for science, of course") with An Long because he thinks he's straight.

Meanwhile An Long: "He'd been sure he could convince Song Qingshi with his strong hips, big dick, and a good technique"

😂

Not Song Qingshi discussing the technicalities of butt sex with his best buddy An Long

"Why don't I make the sacrifice so you know exactly how it feels? For science, of course."

I'M WHEEZING

"...from membrane to mitochondria, there wasn't a romantic cell in his body."

✨️same✨️

"Plus, even if they are memories, there are times where you may remember wrong - if you do remember something, make sure to tell me, you hear?"

...so that i can immediately "correct" your memories and make you remember the "right things", sure. Wen Fengjin is a manipulative bastard - pretty sure he killed our MC in his past live and doesn't want him to remember certain aspects of his past. Such an absolute creep

Love that both Viktor Frankenstein and Dr Chillingworth decided to use an executed prisoner for their experiments, only to then get scared of them, and fleeing the room, never to return again.

Only that one of the "I'm back"-babies turned into a vampire? What?? It's so stupid - I love it!

Also the fact that the executioner actually stayed behind and cared for poor abandoned Varney??? And they kept in contact??

How dare Devan tune out Niran's impromptu lesson about sentient skeletons and their ability to sense their surroundings. I want to know how bones are able to feel

I AM INTRIGUED AND NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT BONE DADDY AND HIS SKELEBABIES (still not over the fact that his skeletons actually scream "for bone daddy" while running into battle)

Everyone is crazy and I love that for them. Poor Devan tho

"I am a strong, independent necromancer. I don't need the help of a living person!"

"She was initially fine with my bone collection. Then she asked, 'What about having kids?' And I asked, 'What about raising kids?' Then she told me no and to put down the shovel and it went downhill from there."

NIRAN, I WANT TO SEE THE BONE COLLECTION. PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR APPRENTICE
(raising kids is also fine by me)

_Without preamble or prologue, I pushed a finger inside of her pussy (...)._

EWWW HE JUST SPEND HOURS EXERCISING AND DRINKING AND NOW SHOVED HIS DIRTY ASS FINGER UP HER (as he so eloquently put it) "PUSSY"

NASTYYYYY

[Also I feel like it takes me 10times longer to read this book because I've so many comments. Like every page something (or someone) new creeps up i have to scream about]

_Since she hasn't agreed to my arrangement -yet- I wouldn't have minded if she'd been fucking someone. But falling in love with another man...well, I know Poppy and I know what kind of obstacle that would present._

EXCUSE YOU?????

OF COURSE MR "i like to treat women as property" STERLING HAVERFORD III IS ALSO A MASSIVE SCUMBAG

Also apparently he and priest boy are now "rivals". I don't like either of them help

_She doesn't need you to defend her honor, Feminist Ally Tyler told me. But regular Tyler, the Irish American one who enjoyed fucking and whiskey and roaring obscenities at soccer games, didn't care._

FEMINIST ALLY TYLER AGAIN

Also apparently Irish people can't be feminists lol

It's like jekyll and Hyde, but one is feminist ally Tyler and the other Irish-american Tyler....

"(...), but, somehow or another, I don't think very fast, and I have an unfortunate propensity after a time of coming exactly round to where I began."

Me too ✋️

"I didn't want to go to feminist ally hell on top of the other hells I was destined for."

I'M SCREAMING

FEMINIST ALLY HELL?????? WTF????

Not church boy using the infamous "soaking is not real sex" excuse

Gods, I really really loath this book. But I also want to see how often he will refer to himself as "feminist ally" and think about his women's studies classes in college (so far he brought it up 4 times)

Blessed be Millie, the grandmother of parishioners far and wide. She told Mr. super-horny-and-not-at-all-sane shepherd that he's too hot to be a priest (aka "what a waste" lol)

She's my lifeline in this book of depravity and misery. Priest boy should go see a therapist. And our FMC Miss Poppy Danforth is way too explicit during her confessions. Nobody needs to hear about you being fucked over a kitchen table, dear

"...he can be a very gentlemanly man indeed."

"His manners are easy and polished; he has evidently mixed in good society, and I never, in all my life, heard such a sweet, soft, winning voice." ♥️

Mr. Chillingworth, you surely seem to like our dear vampire Varney 🧛‍♂️

Girl, just kill your horcrux twin already and reabsorb the soul piece. Daddy death would stop hunting you down, everyone would be safe, and I wouldn't have to deal with stupid Thana anymore

Das ist alles deine Schuld Rahel ☠️

"Your Highness, you can't! The fish is too small! It won't be able to take it!"

Help I can't stop laughing, I'm crying 😭

I love this book 💯

"Becoming an adult was one of the worst decisions I've ever made"

Me too, Devan, me too...

'Jinshi continued to look at Maomao with an expression like a wild beast who might bite at any moment'

Guy = wild beast is such a weird trope. I hate it. Just reading this sentence give me the shivers.

RUN MAOMAO BEFORE MY DUDE TURNS INTO HANNIBAL THE CANNIBAL
(Yes, yes super sexy or whatever. Urgh)

Oh gods I'm only 4% in and already super anxious and embarrassed.

Poor Basen just wants to help out his buddy Jinshi practice some sparring techniques (not sexual whatsoever). But of course Jinshi now thinks Basen wants to help him practice his "sparring techniques" (absolutely sexual).

Basen does not deserve being harassed by Jinshi like that. I mean my dude is not the best communicator, but come on

Lahan's "ideal partner" was probably just the female version of Jinshi

Fucking called it

"Perhaps you'd be interested in asking the Emperor's younger brother to plant his seed in your belly"

IM CRYING
This line hit me out of nowhere

That's a completely normal thing to suggest to your cousin, right??? RIGHT???

MAYBE YOU CAN ASK JINSHI TO PLANT HIS SEED IN YOUR BELLY, MY DUDE, SEE HOW YOU'D LIKE IT

'We must force our way in and find Maomao.
Daddy will save her!'

Jinshi suppressed a grimace at the word "daddy".

I CANT